Is it improper, bad form, or just plain rude to answer a question with a question?

[scottmandue]

Just got married (well, wife just moved it).

So is it improper, bad form, or just plain rude to answer a question with a question?

I refuse further comment on the grounds that it may incriminate me.

[Head416]

Why do you want to know?

[pete3799]

What?

[Laneco]

I think it really depends on the context.

In a more formal setting, say a job interview, I might reply to a question with a question to gain more information before I provide my answer. Especially if I REALLY want the job... I might only get one chance to properly answer so I'll clarify the point first. I feel this is most important when I have no prior knowledge as to the person's background/expectations, etc.

On close personal communication, that's usually a different story. If my husband asks me a question, or I ask him one, the expectation is that it will be answered. It can be followed by "why do you ask?" etc., but the leading comment is the answer to the question. When I ask our children a question, I expect an answer. Questions can follow, but the answer comes first.

angela

[genrex]

It's a tradition for certain ethnic groups. They do it as naturally as breathing. When one becomes proficient at this, there is an exchange of questions, with each person responding with a question. It can be a lot of fun.

_

[Shifter]

Depends, who is asking the question?

Regardless if you respond with the answer or a question, you know you are going to be wrong, right?

[Icemaster]

WhatAngela said. Depends on if its a qualifying question, sometimes you just need more info before you can answer.

What did you do?

[DanielDudley]

I often respond to my wife's questions with a question. Sometimes it is because I can't figure out what answer she is looking for, and sometimes I ask a question that points out the answer that she already knows, but isn't going to bother to think about.

[redstrosekNic]

I don't like when I ask somone how they are doing, and they respond with "How's it going?". I want to say "I asked you first".

[scottmandue]

We have just got new identical smart phones, my car has two of the old style cigarette power plugs.

I find charging plug in a drawer.

ME: does this fit our new phones? Shall I put it in the car?
Her: Why?
(My thinking, we have two phones why not have two chargering cords in the car)

This is just one example, she has a tendency to respond like this.

ME: Shall we go here or there and do this or that?
Her: Why?

We are pretty stressed right now, just moved her in, house is piled with boxes, we have only been living together for about two months, my old male cat is fighting with her two female cats, refi-ing house, I got a root canal yesterday, work is crazy busy...

I have not said anything to her about it.

Am I just being a grump jerk and should I STFU?

[genrex]

I think you are totally justified to be concerned about this.

[BlueSkyJaunte]

Originally Posted by scottmandue

Am I just being a grump jerk and should I STFU?

Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

[nota]

why can be answered why not ?

[Head416]

Originally Posted by scottmandue

...should I STFU?

Yep.

She wants to understand the questions before giving an answer. There are bigger things to worry about. If you can talk about it in a light-hearted manner, sure go ahead. But don't approach it like she has done something wrong that should be fixed, because that isn't the case. You have different styles.

Moving, marriage, work stress... these are some of the biggest causes of stress that exist, and you're going through all of them at once. That means you and she are both on edge.

Focus on not taking the stress out on her, and cutting her some slack when she's stressed and takes it out on you. That's your job.

Yes, the converse of that is her job, but you can't control that. Don't worry about her job. Do your job.

Happy wife = happy life

Sounds trite, but it is so true. Try enjoying life when you and your wife at odds. Good luck.

[Head416]

Originally Posted by BlueSkyJaunte

Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

Haha... I guess I could have just written that and saved myself a lot of typing. Well put.

[BlueSkyJaunte]

I can't claim credit for that line. I got it from Joeaksa....er, Dr. Phil.

[JJ 911SC]

Quois?

[McLovin]

lol, my wife does the same thing. Maybe it's a woman thing?

I'm sure they don't do it to be rude, or maybe even on purpose. It's almost like an instinct. For what purpose, I'm not sure.

It's weird, because I (and you, and my guess most men) wouldn't think of doing that. We just tend to answer the question. It probably is related to this:



It can get annoying sometimes. Particularly when you just need an answer, the reason for it is of clearly of no importance, and the explanation is long and convoluted.

My solution is usually to just give a very short answer. If there is no short answer, just make one up that closely resembles the real answer.

I've been guilty of occasionally over the past 25 years coming back with "Why do you need to know" or "It doesn't matter, just give me the answer," but that doesn't go over very well.

[widgeon13]

I only do it when I want to piss someone off.

[nostatic]

My attorney ex-wife taught me that the answer to every question is "it depends..."