"That's different"
 

Wife comes home to find the trailer hooked up to the truck.

What are you doing?
I am going to Atlanta tomorrow.
I cant believe you bought another car.
So?
You should have asked me.
Do you have to ask me when you spend your money from your personal account?
"That's different."

That's when I fell to the ground laughing so hard.
She actually sounded like she believed it. :D

So, is it different?

What's a wife?

What's a personal account?

What's a personal account?

Really? You guys dont have your own accounts? We have joint accounts for bills, but separate accounts for other stuff.

Nope. Never had separate accounts.

Separate accounts. My money in mine, her money in hers. I buy a 911? Not a peep out of her. She takes a trip to Europe with the kids? Not a peep out of me. The bills get paid and the spending is carefully controlled by both of us. I trust her, she trusts me. So far it's working (18 years in).

I will carry on with the questions. Sounds like a game show.
What is communication? Perhaps you should have run the car buying by her first.
I did that with a Miata 6 years ago. She was not happy. 4 years ago I consulted with her about a P car and upgraded and this time with air cond. and heated seats.

As always on this forum the answers you get maybe not what you want to hear. I try to please my wife and she tries to please me or else married life can be let's say challenging....

Speaking of bank accounts, we do have a joint a/c for agreed on items.Also have my money and her money a/c's.

We just have a joint checking account. I have a few $100s for emergencies, craigslist purchases, and other expenses that are better under the radar (mostly related to the 930). Just one credit card as well.

1) Point down to pants
2) Say 'I'm wearing the pants'
3) Go buy car
4) Sleep on couch after getting back with car

Couch is now in backyard.

Because the locks have been changed....:D

Bizarre.

Do you each fund your "personal" accounts from your own earnings?

How do you decide how much from those earnings each is required to contribute to the joint accounts?

Which one pays the insurance for your cars? Each for the car you each primarily drive?

If your wife goes to the dentist and it costs $100, is that a "personal" bill or a "joint" bill?

Why do you go through that hassle?

Not enough income these days to fund three accounts, so we operate from one with a great deal of communication, cooperation, and compromise. It works well for us. YMMV.

Tom

Why do you go through that hassle?

First marriage, we had a joint account. And by "joint account" I mean, I worked and put money in, she sat on her ass all day and took money out (she was a go-getter before we got married, quit everything after the cake was cut). Final straw for me was when I was working over in the Middle East as a contractor. I decided to do a 2-year stint. First year would pay off every bit of debt she'd incurred over the years, second year would be great for that "nest egg" and the kids' college accounts. I had everything budgeted out, told her what needed to be spent where, etc. and I lived off under $200/month for myself. Even made sure she had enough "fun money" left over for her and the kids to do whatever each month (about $1000/month of free money). First year almost over, I check my bills and there aren't nearly as many of them gone as there should be...and after doing the math between what's been paid, what's in the bank and what I've made, there's $50k missing. Ask her about it, and her answer is she has no clue what she spent it on (and this is already taking into account the $15k for her tits/nose that I wasn't thrilled about paying for).

So, that was it. I'll never share a bank account with another human being. Current wife works, pays a portion of our bills (I make more, so pay more) and does WTF she wants with whatever she has left over. I do the same.

Essential.

Shared accounts. Never a problem. I pay for my hookers and blow with cash :D

I think spending your own money is one thing, but (I assume) parking another vehicle on your property might be something she has a say-so in? Would you like to hear from her before she put another vehicle on your property?

Well, the issues in your first marriage had nothing to do with joint accounts or separate accounts. You were going to end up in the same place, regardless of the structure of the bank accounts.

As to your second marriage, I guess I can kind of semi understand what your doing. Although it still seems like a somewhat artificial construct to me.

And, me, personally, if I weren't willing to share a bank account with someone, I sure wouldn't be willing to marry them. Because in most states (community property states) half the money in "your" account is hers anyways.

I guess I'd feel like I either trust the person enough to marry them, and have everything we earn/make be joint property that we can trust each other with, or not.

^^^This.

Our money gets deposited into a joint account and we each get an allowance which goes into our individual accounts. All necessities come from joint account. All luxuries come from our personal account. It's pretty fluid and nothing is written in stone, just a system to keep some individual money that each of us have control over. I dont have to ask her to pull money from my account, and she doesnt have to ask me to pull money from her account.

Thought this was a good idea to keep from arguing over how many shoes, clothes, jewelry, nick nacks, etc... she wants, and how many cars and motorcycles I want. At least in theory! I guess what's mine is ours, and what's hers is hers. :D

But seriously, she realized what she was doing when I started laughing. The whole point was to have separate money to do whatever we wanted with.

As far as adding another car, she never goes into the shop. It would not affect her at all.

Sounds like you never went through a divorce. :D

You know, McLovin, really you're right. And I live in one of those community property states. The logical part of my brain says just merge; but the "I'll never get screwed again!!!" part of me persists. It really does work for us, though. In her previous marriage, her husband made around what I make...and kept it all. She paid the bills, he played. So, having me covering most of the bills, I guess she's just happy having some of her own spending money; I dunno.

We have separate accounts. For us it has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with less hassle. For a while we had one account for bills and both of our spending money. Keeping track of everything and balancing was a headache. (Both of us, and our moms, worked in banks so we actually balance the checkbook. I realize this is becoming a thing of the past.)

Now we have an account for bills, and we each have our own account for spending money. We transfer money between each other whenever it's necessary, there is no sense of "ownership". All the money comes from my paycheck anyway. I love getting her to buy dinner. It entertains the crap out of me to make her pay even though it doesn't make any difference. She just rolls her eyes at me.

I'm hoping the OP has the foresight to build a shed in his backyard prior to leaving for Atlanta. :D

Mrs. Z and I share joint bank accounts, but we do have separate credit cards. I write the checks (yes, I still do that for the most part) for all the bills. Her motto is, "You make it, I spend it!" Truth be told, I can easily outspend her anyday, especially during track/DE/Autocross season. :cool:

-Z-man.

When I told my wife I was going to go look at a Type 3 Karmann Ghia that I was thinking about buying, she asked "What's that?" When I showed her a picture of one, she said "I'll look cute driving that."

Yes, it is different. For one thing she does not need a trailer hooked up to a truck for her purchases. 2nd hers fit nicely into a small drawer (or drawers) (or sprawl all over the damn countertops in the bathroom) (or...).

Most importantly, it is different because she is a woman. SHE has TWO X-chromosomes - count em!

That makes everything different.

You do need to have a nice talk with her, maybe while she visits you on the couch. Tell he you don't understand, and ask her to just talk to you about her point of view. Plead.

Bring her back a nice present from the trip.

You have obviously never seen her shoe collection. Or pocket books.
But I hear what you guys are saying. Communication is key.
"Do what you want" means different things to a woman and a man.

Don't get the seperate accounts thing, obviously works for you...

What if you lose your job? Does that mean that she loans you money so you can eat out and then you pay back? What if it were long term? No more fun for you?

Oh you got that right. When she says it, proceed it with an implied "I DARE you." :D

We have been married for 25 years and look forward to another 25 years. We have had joint checking and savings all that time. Separately, I have my stack of cash in the gun safe that equals usually somewhere between $500-$1500 for craigslist purchases, or buying cars/track days/whatever with no questions.

I usually part out a car or two to build up my cash reserves, and don't bother telling her about items bought under $500.

"That's different"
 

I spent a few dollars from my account to buy all the parts for a suspension rebuild on my 911, a complete Griffiths ac system, and a engine swap for my El Camino. My wife never asked once what any of that costs. She goes to the antique store or clothing-shoe store and spends what ever she wants. Never a question from me. We have separate accounts and a simple formula for what each of us pays for.