I remember hearing my grandmother say these a lot.....

"I'll swanny to my time"
"Land a goshen"
"Thee lawww"
"Dryer than a popcorn fart"
"______ ______ to a fair thee well"

lots more, just can't remember them!

This one i cant place where i first heard it but it's a favorite of mine.

"Your just pissin in the ocean tryin to make the sea rise" -Your wasting your time

"D*mn it all to F*cking H*ll" is also a frequent one

when working on the car most of the expressions that come out of my mouth have f*ck used as every other word...wife hates how much I curse, but nothing is as satisfying as a good f*ck.

I swan to goodness and Land o' Goshen are two my grandmother used.

"Six of one, half a dozen of the other" gets changed to "half of one six a dozen of the other" around here.
"It ain't rocket science" and "It ain't brain surgery get miscombobulated into "It ain't rocket surgery."

If by local, you mean to my own personal space and surround vacinity.. then there's usually an "F" word involved and/or I just make the ish up as I go. I probably shouldn't get too specific, I have a reputation as a lady to uphold around here :D

Come on, some of you southern folk have some crazy off the wall sayings.
One I remember hearing on a job once was "I'm all over that like a Hobo on a soup sandwich"

"A little time and a few kind words". = usually said when, say, a waitress says 'can I get you anything else'...or similar

"I'm an easy dog to hunt with". When some one may think you'll be overly picky or demanding

"Just walkin' slow and carryin' a banjo". Reply to 'how are ya' doin''.

'beat with the ugly stick' - self explanatory
'larapin' - tasty
'knock a buzzard offa $hit wagon' - stinky

How about "You can't polish a turd" or

He is so dumb he couldn't pour pi$$ out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

Dats racist. :(

Slicker that 2 eels fing in a bucket of snot.

harder that woodpecker lips

tight as dicks hat band

harder than a wedding d ck

harder than a fifty dollar jaw breaker

is that any count. (is it any good)

A couple more from when I was a kid:
Sticks like snot to a hot oven door & uglier than a can of smashed a$$holz

My grandmothers (born in late 1890s) and females of my mothers generation
(1920s) would often say "well I'll swunny" as an exclamation. No idea where the term actually came from however... this was in N. Texas.

And my Grandmother and Mom were from Arkansas! I think it was almost like saying "I swear" but not actually saying it.....

[COLOR="Teal"] When somebody is cheap with his cash we would say (he is tighter than a clams ass and that's water proof) ;)

Yep, the Southern ladylike way of saying "well I'll be damned"....

Slicker than snot on a glass doorknob.
Raining like piss out of a boot.

Here's a relatively new one....

"like throwing a hotdog down a hallway"

Life on the cotton farm summed up with two phrases:

you are either in " high cotton" or " you've got a long row to hoe"

Useless as tits on a boar hog

Useless as a cat covering up shyt

Hotter then 2 foxes fuggin in a wool sock

Colder then a witches tit

No thread tighter then a crossthread

A variation on 74-911's....

I'm schidttin' in tall cotton.