Engineer Jokes
 

My wife is doing a retirement"celebrity roast" for a man who has worked as a petroleum engineer/ nuclear engineer for 36 years and she needs some jokes. I am faithful ya'll will come though.

Question- he rides Triumph motorcycles, these are oil leak prone, yes?

Thanks in advance.

an engineer would have done a search and found the pre-existing thread on this -- just sayin' ::::::::::::: :D

Want me to come do stand up? I make fun of engineers all day long :D

I am not an engineer but you knew that because I did not do a search for the pre- existing thread.

Who knew there was a thread dedicated to engineer jokes?

Plenty of oil leak jokes you can do on the Triumph.

My favorite engineering joke is the one with the bicycle:

Copied the above from here which has some more classics: Engineers Jokes at WorkJoke.com - Profession Jokes

G

Well, it depends. We need specs and pics of the bike.

And the blonde...

How do you know you're speaking with an extroverted engineer?

They're looking down at your shoes.

What do engineers use for birth control?
Their personalities.

i tell my wife that her hair is nice and parallel all the time! she loves that joke. you can work that in somewhere no?

Am I the only guy here who has dated female engineers?

Speaking of female engineers, I went to an engineering school.
There were tons of women, but not very many.

nope..Clara. saucy hispanic woman. crazy as a loon. my brother was about to arrest her for putting a frying pan into the face of the "guy after me"..they recognized each other and he just drove her to her mom's place. BF wasnt pressing charges anyways. that could have been me!! i was really after her friend "Dana". another engineering cutie. had that cindy crawford mole thing going..

UTEP had lots of women engineers. my study partner "victoria" smoking hot chinese girl.

victoria's hair was nice and parallel too!!

I went to engineering school and I work with engineers, most of the female engineers wouldn't date guys.

(scored a Chem Eng/Materials PhD wife, geek Hi-Five!) The girls say: "the odds are good but the goods..."

We are laughing out loud at these, good stuff. Parallel hair vash, really?

A doctor, a lawyer and an engineer are being put to death during the French revolution. The doctor is first in line. The executioner asks if he wants to be head up or head down? He thinks for a minute and says "Head up. I always face my adversity."

They load him into the guillotine. The executioner releases the blade. It falls, but come to a sudden stop, just above his neck.

Thinking this is some sort of divine intervention, they release him.

Next is the lawyer. They ask the same question and he immediately say head up. Again he is loaded, the blade released and again it stops inches above his neck. "I declare that based on the precedent set by the doctor, I must be released!". And so they do.

Finally, they come to the engineer and again ask how he would like to be positioned. "Well, it worked for the other fellows, I'll be head up as well." They start to load him into the guillotine. The engineer looks up and points: "Hey, I think I see your problem!"

My first wife was an engineer. She was crazy. I dated an engineer about 10 years ago, and she was crazy. And then there was the engineer in San Diego, also a bit crazy. Hmmmmmm

An optimist thinks the glass is half full. The pessimist thinks the glass is half empty. The engineer thinks that the glass is the wrong size.