Humorous Ways to End a Relationship

[matt711]

Wait until you have not seen for a couple of days then send a text that says "You rocked my world last night, can't wait to see you again."

[BlueSkyJaunte]

Originally Posted by rusnak

I've always had them come back. I've never not had one come back. Eeek, then we do the second breakup thing.

Then the 3rd, then the 4th, then the 5th....eventually even the great BJs weren't enough to keep dealing with that nonsense.

Oh, snap, was that last part out loud?

[legion]

Originally Posted by McLovin

Looking back, the oddest ones for me were the "non-breakup" breakups.

In college, I'd start "going out" with someone, although it was really unclear and unspoken what that really meant. We'd be friends, then "more than friends" and generally seen as a couple.

But then gradually the calls would get less, seeing each other less. One day of no contact becomes 2, then becomes 5, then a week, and finally no contact. Never any discussion of anything being wrong, or breaking up, etc.

It didn't seem odd at the time, but looking back, it kind of does.

College was like that. Broke up with one girl that by telling that I got back together with my ex. Broke up with that ex after I found out she went to her prom with another guy (I was a freshmen in college, she was a senior in high school). I never called her again, she never called me again.

Then I went through a 2 year dry spell because a psycho female friend decided I should be her permanent backup. She torpedoed every relationship I was in by telling lies like I was addicted to coke or I had AIDS. It finally backfired when I caught her in a lie as I started dating my now-wife and she dropped out of college and left the state within 24 hours of being caught. Real psycho *****.

There was one girl who invited herself into my dorm room my first night of college my junior year. I was lukewarm on her and my roommate had picked up on it. The next night, she showed up at my doorstep in her pajamas with a pillow. My roommate opened the door, looked at her, and said: "This ain't no Motel 6!". And slammed the door.

A couple months later, a few of us were discussing the above-mentioned "floor whore". Three of us were standing around and drinking some beers in the hallway.

One guy says: "You know that girl Jenn? She showed up at my room the Sunday before classes started and ****ed my brains out."

Other guy says: "No way! I banged her that Saturday!"

I looked at them both and said: "Thank God I was Friday!"

[craigster59]

If you go down to the local Goodwill or Salvation Army, they've got women's clothes CHEAP!

Pick up a little cocktail dress (a nice chiffon number with the ruffles), a pair of pumps (they always have the large sizes left over), and drive back to the pad.

When you know she's coming home, throw on the outfit and act like you're putting on makeup. When she walks in, act surprised and say "Well, I guess the secret's out Girlfriend!" and watch her run for the door.





Not from experience, but the best I could come up with.

[Evans, Marv]

I ended a relationship with a lady a few decades ago. I had started another with another lady, and she suspected. The parting went well. I did the old, "It's not you, it's me" thing. But later I found out she did her little thing to try to sabotage the new relationship she suspected I had. I had an extra bedroom, and had my new lady over a couple of times in a couple of days afterward and happened to go into the extra bedroom. Tucked partly under the pillow on the side of the bed where it would be visible if someone happened to look in was a thong. I recognized it as belonging to the lady I'd parted ways with a couple of days beforehand. I thought it was pretty enterprising on her part & was glad my new girlfriend didn't happen to walk by & notice it.