Understanding females.Dating."The Game" Alpha/Beta.What men/husbands do wrong.

[PushingMyLuck]

I felt this exchange from another thread deserves its own thread.
Several people PM'ed and "liked" my post with some insightful feedback.

Here are 2 opposing viewpoints on how to deal with attractive women.

Originally Posted by XXXXXXXX

Cars, boats, planes, women - ANYTHING. I spent more in two months with one woman than I spent on all the rest combined, including my wife of near twenty years. She was so hot my pants would melt off every time I saw her. But holy hell, she was VERY expensive to maintain. Hermes doesn't grow on trees, boy.

Originally Posted by PushingMyLuck

Buying her Hermes? *Shudder*

Your excessive adulation & doting proved to her you are not used to being with attractive women like this, and therefore, do not deserve her caliber. You acted like you never dated a woman so hot. By overcompensation, a low value male conveys clearly that he is not used to this, and shows her she has made a mistake in her selection. With his subservient attitude and actions, he demonstrates he is lower status than her, that he is beneath her. That he does not deserve to be with her. That he needs to "bribe" her into staying.

You proved this to her by showering her with gifts like a desperate clingy beta male without better options, and that's why she promptly left you for a more deserving man. By deserving, I mean someone who was not nearly as impressed with her as you were. Someone who called her out when needed. Someone who could take it or leave it. This is strength that a high value female is attracted to.

In contrast, imagine a powerful man who is quite used to dating models. Would he behave this way? Would he be rushing out to buy her expensive gifts so he does not lose this once in a lifetime opportunity? By doing so, he sabotages himself with his very actions that prove his desperation.

Instead, had you ignored her a little more, not always agreed with everything she said, had a life outside of revolving around her, didn't cater to her every whim, and indicated you could replace her with ease.....In a word, acted like a man deserving of her caliber. Yes, she would have remained interested in you. Instead, you did the exact opposite. Which is why she dumped you. I wish I could show you the men she dated before and after you, particularly the ones she enjoyed having sex with, and it would confirm everything I've said.

I ask you please stay on topic, and refrain from personal attacks.

• What rules have you learned the hard way?
• When did you see the light? How old were you?
• What made you see the light? A movie, website/blog, bad learning experience?
• What do you wish you did differently? Got a painful to admit story?
• What did you vow to never do again?
• What do you know now, that you wish you knew in your youth?
• Did you fix your current relationship with new found insight?

Or, are you just as clueless as you were in grade school?

[RANDY P]

You just have to realize that YOU as an individual are ultimately worth more than any poon- and transmit that to your potential mate.

you will NOT sacrifice your happiness to have her around

she will RESPECT what you need, not always what you want.

Woman will not respect you if you don't respect yourself.

In my 20's and early 30's I was a sappy romantic, Mr. Chivalrous ass kisser- always got attention, but never kept it. Women say they want a "nice" guy which, what they mean is one that can take care of himself, not one that kisses their ass like on those romantic comedies.

By my mid 30s I finally wised up. Any obvious deviation or attempt to control will be met by slamming door. Set your ground rules, and stick to them, and don't be afraid to walk since the alternative is personal Hell. Been to personal Hell, and I don't want to return.

I find myself telling that bit to women I meet these days- the conversation always gravitates towards this subject, I just say (in a bit of a warning tone) "I'm set in my ways, and I've learned that no one is worth your sanity- either we fit together, or we don't- I'm not sacrificing my sanity just to have someone"

Of course, to remain in control you have to be unstable- see previous post for more.

rjp

[speeder]

There are no absolutes when it comes to attraction and it isn't always logical but you make some valid points WRT self-esteem and dating beautiful women. It's like that old saying, "act like you've been there before", (regarding excessive celebration in the end zone).

[AFC-911]

Originally Posted by speeder

There are no absolutes when it comes to attraction and it isn't always logical

Ding ding ding!

[SilberUrS6]

Originally Posted by PushingMyLuck

This exchange from another thread deserves its own thread.
Here are 2 opposing viewpoints on how to deal with attractive women.





What things have you learned the hard way?
What do you wish you did differently?
What do you know now, that you wish you knew in your youth?
How did you fix your relationship?
What did you vow to never do again?
Or, are you just as clueless as you were in grade school?

Too bad you didn't get the full story before you showed your ass here.

Oh, well.

[Baz]

Originally Posted by SilberUrS6

Too bad you didn't get the full story before you showed your ass here.

Oh, well.

Let's hear it - for those of us in the peanut gallery....

[SilberUrS6]

Originally Posted by RANDY P

You just have to realize that YOU as an individual are ultimately worth more than any poon- and transmit that to your potential mate.

you will NOT sacrifice your happiness to have her around

she will RESPECT what you need, not always what you want.

Woman will not respect you if you don't respect yourself.

This is true. PML makes a mistake above of make a lot of assumptions (and making the wrong assumptions) about the direction my particular relationship went.


But back to your point: the other side of your coin is also clear - a woman worth keeping is a woman who respects herself. Who has her own sense of self-worth and value. Low self-esteem women CAN be fun for a very short amount of time, but the novelty wears off quick. Clingy, needy women, no matter how attractive or sex-filled, get to be a boat anchor you desperately want to be rid of. Best to not get sucked into their vortex of neediness to start with, because it can be hard to get away. And let's not even talk about the low self-worth women who become jealous about every dang thing you do, even when you're just going out to talk about cars with the guys. "Where are you going? Will there be girls there? Don't look at those girls!" Sheesh. It gives me a headache just thinking about it.

[RANDY P]

Originally Posted by SilberUrS6

This is true. PML makes a mistake above of make a lot of assumptions (and making the wrong assumptions) about the direction my particular relationship went.


But back to your point: the other side of your coin is also clear - a woman worth keeping is a woman who respects herself. Who has her own sense of self-worth and value. Low self-esteem women CAN be fun for a very short amount of time, but the novelty wears off quick. Clingy, needy women, no matter how attractive or sex-filled, get to be a boat anchor you desperately want to be rid of. Best to not get sucked into their vortex of neediness to start with, because it can be hard to get away. And let's not even talk about the low self-worth women who become jealous about every dang thing you do, even when you're just going out to talk about cars with the guys. "Where are you going? Will there be girls there? Don't look at those girls!" Sheesh. It gives me a headache just thinking about it.

Be selfish, and a bit self-centered, and never, ever, ever jealous.

rjp

[SilberUrS6]

Originally Posted by RANDY P

Be selfish, and a bit self-centered, and never, ever, ever jealous.

rjp

I just like being myself. I really can't play a part, because I'm not a good actor. I can't remember ever feeling jealous, but then again, during the time I was dating, it was a target-rich environment, and the very worst thing I had to worry about was if I had time for dating (my work life took a larger fraction of my time than it does now).

I always did insist on time for me to do car stuff and time with my buddies. I didn't want my life to revolve around "her". Still don't, and the "her" and I have been together over twenty years, in total. I dunno, is that selfish? I would think that's just part of being your own person.

[RANDY P]

1)- nothing, I repeat NOTHING in a dating relationship requires you asking more than twice.

2)- you don't have to be the perfect guy, but you have to be the perfect self. SHe don't like it? GTFO.

Ive said it before to woman who pushes me - "you can't even tell me when to get out of bed, what makes you think you can tell me to do THAT / THIS / WHATEVER?"

3)- can't make a square peg fit in round hole, she wants someone else- go for it. WGAS. Replace her.

Funny, they always stick around.

rjp

[SilberUrS6]

Originally Posted by Baz

Let's hear it - for those of us in the peanut gallery....

I'll make it short.

She was beautiful by anyone's standards. She was also not shy in the bedroom. These two facts clouded my judgement and caused me to overlook her very obvious flaws. Well, they SHOULD have been obvious, but when the little head is doing the thinking...

I thought that she was really special, so I bought her special stuff. In fact, I spent WAY too much money on her, with included some really big-ticket consumer goods. But she was very special - special in how incredibly tied up she was in her appearance, needing validation for EVERY choice she made, insecure, and emotionally needy. I spent two months in this relationship, and in retrospect it seemed like a LOT longer. This was in the days before cell phones, so at least she couldn't call me all damn day like she'd call me all damn weekend.

Letting her go took too long because, well, the sex was so damn good. I kept pushing all the hassles aside. Two months we were together, and that was about five weeks too long, IMO. Actually, the very worst part about this whole tale is that it took me a little while and a few more like her to actually see the pattern and get myself out of it. It didn't take as long as it did with her, but the fact that I even started new each time meant I was a slow learner. :/

[fintstone]

Beautiful woman...crazy, hot sex? Why would anyone object to spending money on her (assuming you had it to spend)? There are lots of worse ways to blow your pocket money.

...but this is classic:

Originally Posted by speeder

... It's like that old saying, "act like you've been there before", (regarding excessive celebration in the end zone).

Although it does not preclude you treating her as if she is special (if you want to seal the deal...or keep them very long). Someone else will.

[SilberUrS6]

Originally Posted by fintstone

Beautiful woman...crazy, hot sex? Why would anyone object to spending money on her (assuming you had it to spend)? There are lots of worse ways to blow your pocket money.

Yeah, at the time it made sense to me. And I wasn't doing it for the reasons PML suggests, I just wanted her to have nice stuff. But it didn't make her happy at all, and for that reason alone, it was a mistake. But I didn't see that until years later.

I had a ton of money to spend - I was getting paid very well, and had no financial responsibilities, so I piled up a giant wad of cash. If I had spent money instead on a couple of really nice longhoods, I could have had my Porsche and now be selling for PROFIT.

But back to the topic - PML made a lot of wrong assumptions about the relationship and the motivations. And really, in the end, I had the money, and spent it (in retrospect) poorly, but had some amount of fun while doing so. I guess one could call it a wash, but that was some of the most expensive p*ssy I ever had. Sofa King hot, but expen$ive.

[Baz]

I'll preface this by saying there are a lot of folks who DO know what they are doing and they enjoy WONDERFUL relationships.

But for those who are NOT sure of what they are doing...may I offer 3 basic ground rules:

1. Never get married

2. Never date another person with kids

3. Never let a person move in with you

Again - these basics are meant to keep one out of harm's way and are specifically for those do NOT know what they are doing....

[Moses]

The very minute you begin to "strategize" your relationships with women you have lost. You are a beta masquerading as an alpha. Impossible to keep that up for long.

Alpha males are confident. Because of that they are generally protective and supportive of the women in their lives. They aren't jealous or petty or insecure. Women are drawn to that.

[SilberUrS6]

Originally Posted by Moses

The very minute you begin to "strategize" your relationships with women you have lost. You are a beta masquerading as an alpha. Impossible to keep that up for long.

Alpha males are confident. Because of that they are generally protective and supportive of the women in their lives. They aren't jealous or petty or insecure. Women are drawn to that.

Hmmm. I never gave it thought in an "alpha/other Greek letter" way. I guess since I never had any trouble getting dates, it just never occurred to me that I was supposed to "act" a certain way. I'm a crappy actor anyway. Just being myself is hard enough, LOL.

Maybe all along I was following the path you describe. I never really thought about it too much.

[LakeCleElum]

Originally Posted by Baz

I'll preface this by saying there are a lot of folks who DO know what they are doing and they enjoy WONDERFUL relationships.

But for those who are NOT sure of what they are doing...may I offer 3 basic ground rules:

1. Never get married

2. Never date another person with kids

3. Never let a person move in with you

Again - these basics are meant to keep one out of harm's way and are specifically for those do NOT know what they are doing....

Great Advice Baz: I held out 9 yrs between marriages....She had 2 kids, but I waited till the were out of high school and gone......I didn't let her move in, at a certain point she just never left.......

Fast forward after 25 yrs of marriage: 7 grand kids and one great grandkid.....Guess where all of her time and most of my money goes now?

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by speeder

There are no absolutes when it comes to attraction and it isn't always logical but you make some valid points WRT self-esteem and dating beautiful women. It's like that old saying, "act like you've been there before", (regarding excessive celebration in the end zone).

There are no absolutes, no buttons to push: There is no cookbook or road map and there comes a point when a man and a woman just know what's next or what won't be.

My sample size is large, so I speak from experience:

- Pay attention. Be yourself. Observe. Make an informed decision but be prepared to be wrong. I once got laid on a plane coming back from Asia. British woman, business class, very standoffish until an hour after take-off.

- Humor. You can laugh each others pants off.

- Never pursue, but if you do, know when to wave-off. Again, pay attention.

- Smart works. Don't date a stupid women more than a few times, regardless of her other attributes. It makes another essential attribute, listening to what she has to say, a boatload easier.

- Sex. We all want the merge, the timeless hours between a couple. Don't rush it: Pay attention, and if she does as well, so much the better. There are times, however, when no amount of physical rendering is going to mean a thing. It just is. Nobody hits for the cycle every game.

- Confidence. It comes from achievement not posturing. Success in one field always leads to opportunity in another. Be good at something, be very good at something.

Good luck, Gents. While I have been married for 24 years, nothing has changed in "The Game". The key is not to think about anything I just wrote

[Bob Kontak]

Originally Posted by RANDY P

You just have to realize that YOU as an individual are ultimately worth more than any poon- and transmit that to your potential mate.

Once married - I do know that when I got my self esteem way up there and then worked my ass off on the INSIDE of the house, cleaning, little storage unit installs, playing with kids, etc, I got me some dirty tang - long time.

[gearya]

Originally Posted by SilberUrS6

clouded my judgement

All men should be required to get a psychology PhD, concentrating on women. The above is the whole point of the way women act. Recognize that and you'll be a lot better off.