Advice - My buddy and his (crazy) GF

[Vipergrün]

Hey ya'll. Need some help with this one.

Have a buddy who is totally in love with a woman who I think is bat schitt crazy. She's divorced with two kids (enough said IMHO). Buddy is divorced too and with kids.

He is in love with her. Loves her kids as his own. He says the sex is beyond amazing....hmmmmm, and they have great times (and bad) together. The relationship is interesting to say the least.

Tonight she sends him a text asking who he would rescue from a dangerous situation, her, or his ex wife. To me, that is like the "do these jeans make my ass look fat" question. You cannot win.

Anyway, his answer was non-commital based on the hypothetical nature of the question.

The GF gets pissed and wants to end things cuz he didn't outright choose her. I encourage him to take the opportunity to get out. He doesn't know what to do. He's in love with her. IMHO she is using him and not in love.

How should I approach this? It seems like he's committed and she's not.

Thanks!
-b

[Bill Douglas]

The fool. Argh. He should know how to answer THAT question.

[Apollo]

She sounds mature...

[sc_rufctr]

First thing... He should have never answered that txt. I just ignore any loaded questions via txt. I've been doing it for years and it works.
But that can be problematic if you have a sender that expects an immediate answer.
In that case it's best to call rather than try and provide an answer to a complex question. If the sender doesn't answer then I never leave a message.

IF she is using him then there's not much you can do but stand by and let your friend find out for himself.
You really don't want to get involved here. Be his friend but as far as his personal life, only give advice if he asks for it.

[porsche4life]

Stay out of it. Seriously, just stay out of it...

[wdfifteen]

If she's using him it wasn't very smart to ask a question that would blow up the relationship. He should take this chance to run. You should stay out of it. Better to watch a train wreck from a safe distance than be in the middle of it.

[Rick V]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

Stay out of it. Seriously, just stay out of it...

Yup.
If she is the type of person to put your friend on the spot like that it will only get worse as time goes on. Make some popcorn and just enjoy the show

[Chocaholic]

Originally Posted by Vipergrün

Anyway, his answer was non-commital based on the hypothetical nature of the question.

-b

Amateur mistake on his part. She asks him hypothetically to choose between her and his ex-wife and he was non-committal? She's an idiot for asking...and he's a bigger idiot for not clearly choosing her.

They deserve each other. If he had any common sense, he'd see past the nookie and move on. Unless she grows up significantly, he should start saving now for alimony and child support.

[Seahawk]

My advice to your Buddy is to punt on second down. She is clearly refereeing this little tilt and there are flags all over the field, soon to be more.

Your advice to your Buddy? Let's talk about anything else...

[Steve Carlton]

[recycled sixtie]

If your friend has not seen the movie Forest Gump, then he should. If he has seen it remind him of the opening scenes.

As an aside I think this expression is fitting. One swallow does not make a summer. Uh pardon my pun. There is not much you can do to help the poor fellow. He is obviously smitten and your advice will likely fall on deaf ears.....

G.

[mreid]

How old are these two knuckleheads? Are they still in high school?

She asked, he answered, he should let her go, however I predict he will not learn a lesson here. Imagine how the head games will change if he is foolish enough to marry her?!

[M.D. Holloway]

Sex is a touch chemical...I will wager he sticks around. FWIW most women are crazy to some extent, the good ones hide it. But that's OK cuz most men are stupid...and that's OK as well cuz the good ones hide it...

Oh ya, he won't listen to any advice you give him. Best bet is to go find a pig and teach it to sing. Better time spent IMO...

[M.D. Holloway]

...and to add one more thing, if asked he should have said he would rather be dead then ever have to think about losing her and that the very idea has sent him into a whirlwind of depression that only good booze and constant sex can bring him out of and that if she really loved him she would understand...

[oldE]

Originally Posted by Chocaholic

She asks him hypothetically to choose between her and his ex-wife and he was non-committal? She's an idiot for asking...

Actually, I think her question was either an attempt to bolster her sense of security by getting him to profess how much he cares for her or she was pushing the envelope. By forcing an argurment, which she will control, she makes him apologize and increases her hold on him.

I watched this with a nephew for ten years. It wasn't pretty.

Best of luck. Be there for him when he crashes.
Les

[masraum]

I don't think there's anything that you can do to help. Since he's so in love, any interference or intervention on your part will just anger and alienate him.

[fintstone]

Tell him to keep hitting it like a screen door...but don't commit (go really, really slow) Both have been married before so there is a good chance that one or both are not marrying material.

Why walk away from "beyond amazing" for nothing? Enjoy it.

[RANDY P]

Tell him to tell her to **** off.

Turn the tables on her. The reason he's getting his ass kicked is because he's being an appeasing and desperate acting pussy. SHow her she's dispensable, that will change her tune.

If it doesn't work, it wasn't meant to be. He's on the road to ruin chasing something that will never love back. He'll hit the wall when she runs off with some guy she meets in a bar bangs his brains out on the first night and then tells him about it..

Do NOT try to be chivalrous with this one, it won't work. Use her like toilet paper- this one will get off on it.

rjp

[slow&rusty]

I am relaxing on the beach, let the lifeguards save them both.

[RANDY P]

ps, to answer her question- LIE.

Lie if it will save a bunch of bull **** and a headache. She wants to be lied to, so lie to her. Tell her she's #1, then find a girl with her **** together. Use this one for a tackling dummy.

rjp