I object to all this sex on the telly..... I mean, I keep falling off!

car related Pythonisms
 

"I should like to see Graham Hill's impression of John the Baptist"

"Been shoppin'?"
"No, been shopping."
"Buy anything?"
"Just this old piston engine!"

Tom

"hahahahahaha ooooo! I think I wet 'em!"

I sentence you to hang by the neck, until you cheer up.

Undertaker sketch...
b: My mother's died...

a: well, we can bury her, burn her, or dump her in the thames.

b: I don't know...

a: well then, IF we bury her, she gets eaten up by maggots nibble nibble nibble, which comes as quite of a shock...if she's not quite dead. IF we burn her, she gets toasted in the fire, crackle crackle crackle, which also comes a quite a shock, if she's not quite dead... IF we dump....

b: I dont' like that option...

a: So where is your mother now?

b: In this sack.

a: Let's have a look shall we?

b: *opens sack*

a: OOOH!! she was quite young.

b: Yes, she was...

a: *nuch excitement* FRED!!!! I think we've got an eater!!!

fred: from off stage: I'll get the oven on.

b: ARE YOU SUGGESTING WE EAT MY MOTHER???!???!!!

a: *shaking head* ABSOLUTELY NOoooooo.... yes.

*audience storms the stage becasue at this point MPFC has gone just a bit too far.*

sjd

Are you trying to insinuate something?

NO! No, no, no, no, no, yes. Yes.

Check out my name at the end.
 

Ok, after this if you will please notice my name. Cruel joke my parents played on me I guess...

Moore: Shut up! It's a hold-up, not a Botany lesson. Now, no false moves please. I want you to hand over all the lupins you've got.

Squire: Lupins?

Moore: Yes, lupins. Come on, come on.

Parson: What do you mean, lupins?

Moore: Don't try to play for time.

Parson: I'm not, but... the *flower* lupin?

Moore: Yes, that's right.

Squire: Well we haven't got any lupins.

Girl: Honestly.

Moore: Look, my friends. I happen to know that this is the Lupin Express.

SmileWavy

Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, he's not in this bit.

From Holy Grail:

"I'm not a witch, I'm NOT a witch. THEY dressed me this way!"

"NO! No, no, no no."

"Well, we did do the hat. And the nose...but she IS a witch!"

"BURN her anyway!!"

Vas head of Gestapo for ten years,
No vas head of Gestapo for five years,
No No vas never head of Gestopo! I make joke...

... cool it Fuher cat...

Later on in that scene:

"What else floats?" (King Author, I believe)

"...very small rocks!" (A commoner)

There is no cannabilism in the Royal Navy. Johnson, put down that leg!