Need Some Advice - Alcoholic Relative Attempted Suicide

930addict · 930addict's Garage

Came home from work and was informed that a close relative is in hospital after long alcoholic binge and tried to off herself. We're going to go see her but I have no idea what to say. I'm no good at this stuff. What do you say to a person that tried to kill herself? I feel so empty, angry and sad. She has a daughter and is a beautiful girl and is very bright. I just have no words.

herr_oberst · 08-03-2015, 05:21 PM

Tell her you love her.

john70t · 08-03-2015, 05:22 PM

There isn't anything that can be fixed with fifty words or less.
Just being there and providing comfort and support is a start.

LEAKYSEALS951 · 05:53 PM

Had to do this exact same thing just a couple of weeks ago with an old friend.
It sucked.
I tried to focus on what we'd do when he got out, trying to blow it off as "Dude- that sucked- you had a bad night- let's get together and do such and such next week." If anything, to try to put some sense of normalcy into what was anything but normal, and a humiliating and embarrassing situation for him at best.
I tried to make it clear that whatever demons he had faced the night before he could choose to move on from at his own pace and not be embarrassed by when he was out of there.

It was a bit lame, but what else can you do? What made it even more awkward was the "suicide prevention" male nurse sitting in the corner trying to pretend he was doing work, but who was so obviously there to prevent him from trying to further hurt himself.

Even worse, his college age son was in the waiting room- he couldn't pull himself together enough to come see his dad. Can't say I blame him.

I wasn't invited by him (not disinvited either- but I guess you typically dont invite people over for a stomach pumping party in the ER), and ordinarily I wouldn't have gone withing 100 feet of something like that on my own accord- but his girlfriend who called the ambulance (and my wife) insisted. It's just not my style. I was completely uncomfortable- especially driving over to the hospital, and it got even worse when his family members were in the waiting room (I was overcome by the feeling of "I have no business being here- they are the priority") but in retrospect, I'm glad I did.

Oh Haha · 08-03-2015, 06:01 PM

My younger brother tried this a few months ago. We all rushed to the hospital and were there when he woke up. He took a ton of pills but got to the ER before any damage was done.

He seemed genuinely shocked that I would drive 80 miles to be there. My mom was heartbroken that he didn't tell anyone how bad he was feeling.

He spent a couple days in the pysch ward(mandatory for suicide attempt) but came out better. He isn't an alcoholic but does smoke doobage.

Being there for your relative is a start but she has got to take responsibility for HER actions. I would suggest counseling of some sort. The hardest part is when their support system goes away. It's easy to resist when someone can stop you, not so when you are alone.

Best wishes for a good outcome for her.

72doug2,2S · 72doug2,2S's Garage

Yes, be there, follow up somehow, and pray.

LakeCleElum · 08-03-2015, 09:05 PM

Sounds harsh, but lots of experience with this; especially with my Wife's son:

Be there and say what is is right at the time. Then, work to take care of her daughter as we all know this situation will never get any better. A lot of these attempts are a cry for attention; but they keep trying until the deed is done....Buried a very good friend this way 9 months ago..........Best of Luck....

930addict · 930addict's Garage

Thanks for the feedback. She had a BAC of .398 and they found 5 bottles of vodka in her car. I didn't know you could survive with that much alcohol in your blood. I knew she had a problem with alcohol but thought she was getting treatment. The suicide thing really caught me by surprise.

Rikao4 · 08-04-2015, 07:01 AM

.398..well she's been doing this for a while..
and would easily drink many here under the table as they say..
my best friend beat her score..
after he lost his Lady..it was just over for him..
we all tried & more..
fired him, got him into rehab,
he got wasted on the way home from same..
we buried him a few weeks later..
everyone can try..
but they have to want it more..
good luck..

Rika

1975porsche · 1975porsche's Garage

Been there ! just be there to listen don't judge just support .

scottmandue · 08-04-2015, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1975porsche

Been there ! just be there to listen don't judge just support .

This! Don't go over the past or try to talk about "it" just focus on being positive.

One thing for you and the family to realize is alcohol is a depressant... you get drunk, you get depressed, you drink more and spiral into the ground.

And another important thing to keep in mind is friends/family will want/try to "fix" her but it isn't that easy. Some people need therapy, some people need rehab, some people need a 12 step program, often a person will need a combination of those.

Most difficult problem is the person has to want it... people have been studying addiction/alcoholism for decades and no one has figured how to make that happen yet (that I know of).

Lots of love and prays is all I can suggest.