Funny how love changes...

[Nostril Cheese]

I'm in Seattle this evening with one of my best friends. She finally managed to get some sleep.

Her brother died on Thursday and the first thing she did was call me. Drove up and spent the rest of the day holding her, trying in vain to comfort her as she cried. That kind of vulnerability doesn't come easy to her.

She's one of the most amazing people I've ever known. Army officer, PhD in Sociology, freakishly smart, occasional pin-up model, nerdy, beautiful, caring, totally BADASS.

I met her a very long time ago, clicked instantly and developed a thing. I dropped her off at the airport when she left to teach overseas for years. I picked her up when she returned. She picked me up from the airport when my father died. She took some of his ashes home to the Netherlands. Over the years, we had a few flings, but moved on to others with the pre-requisite "I'll kill you if you hurt him/her" speech to the potential mate.

Two people in love with each other - more than friends but not a couple as our lives are on very different paths. I don't know that there is a defined word for this situation. I'm not upset about it, but it's making me think a lot about what love really is. I know it kills me to see her in pain. We talked a lot about strength and vulnerability, (difficult for both of us).

Her father, an retired Navy submariner (and very salty) told me today that he always liked me and "approved". We had a very long discussion about nuclear subs, naval tactics, boxing etc.. I'd like to think I helped him somewhat by listening.. Brilliant guy.

I don't know why I'm sharing this here. Perhaps you guys have a perspective on this. Maybe I'm just now considering the rarity of these sorts of relationships. The weekend just really shook me up thinking about love and what it really is.. I'm ok with never being with her. Just makes me wonder if I could.

I've been on my own for a little while here. The wife and I had been having some trouble and decided to split. It wasnt an easy choice, but the right one. No anger or anything. Sometimes you just fall out of love. It does hurt. I've been spending a lot of time getting myself right again.. investing, lost a ton of weight, playing in a couple different bands..

It's just kinda odd to be the single 37 year old guy when at parties and such..

[mreid]

Best friends come in both genders. Time doesn't matter, circumstances do. Glad you found a good one. Don't make any rash decisions as the melancholy of your singleness settles in. It passes.

[Gogar]

It's because you love her that you can maintain the appropriate distance. It's a testament to your understanding of who she is, and who you are.

It's one of the better (albeit more lonely) definitions of true love.

cheers!

[sc_rufctr]

Take it from me, At 37 you don't have time to waste... In a blink of an eye you'll be 50.

At this stage in your life it's important that do what you want to do.
That may sound obvious but so often I see people doing things suggested by someone close to them and then wonder why they end up unhappy.

Just be true to yourself and you can't go wrong.

[HardDrive]

I wish I had sage advice. Its nice to think that you could slip a ring on her finger, and live happily ever after. It sounds like you two are true blue best friends who just happen to have the advantage of being able to sleep together. What that would become under the veil of marriage, no one can know. Listen to her. Does she want you to stay, does she want you to go?

Thank you for sharing this. Nice to hear about two people who can simple love each other.

[Bob Kontak]

Originally Posted by sc_rufctr

At this stage in your life it's important that do what you want to do.

There is beauty in a long distance love.

I have one. Met in college in the 1830's. She is married now. Not my business to mess with. Occasional calls. Just normal stuff. Grown up kids and the associated hassles blah blah.

I thought Nostril Cheese was older than the earth. He still has vitality.

I say, regardless of the void she can fill, NC needs to be on his own. Relationship is fine. Coupling is a big no right now.

My sympathies for her brother. Surely, far too young.

[M.D. Holloway]

Figure a way to always be with her. Life is too short not to be happy...

[Nostril Cheese]

Pursuing any sort of relationship would be difficult. Our lives go in very different paths. She lives in LA, teaches at a college and still has a couple more years left in the Army.

My life is based in the Pacific Northwest. I love it here and don't see myself leaving. I know she likes it here (her family is all in Seattle). She usually visits 3 or 4 times a year and we catch up in detail. I told her that she should move up. She has given it thought.

The re-adjustment to single life has been strange, but not too painful. I had a brief fling with a gal that had some promise, but fizzled.

Over the last 9 months I had that empty feeling for a while, but things are easier now. Got me a nice three bedroom house with a garage, one room for guitars, the other for projects. Been doing a lot of introspection and kinda found myself back on the eight-fold path. I've been trying to funnel that negative energy into something positive. Three hours a day of guitar practice for weeks has provided some incredible results...

All I can do is be there for her. I know she will always be there for me.

[Nostril Cheese]

Originally Posted by Bob Kontak

I thought Nostril Cheese was older than the earth. He still has vitality.

Thanks?

I certainly feel like an old soul. Done a lot more in those years than most have.

[Nostril Cheese]

Originally Posted by HardDrive

Listen to her. Does she want you to stay, does she want you to go?

Thank you for sharing this. Nice to hear about two people who can simple love each other.

We're both heading home tonight. Work stuff. She did tell me to text her when I got home safely. I'll be checking in on her.

[wdfifteen]

Take your time. I wasn't part of a couple until I was 63. Married yes, but never a real partner, never really had the love thing going - not as I understand it now. It's important to know the difference between love and not wanting to be alone. Cures for loneliness are just fine, I've married my share, don't regret any of them. Life is a journey, at 37 you're just getting warmed up.

[Nostril Cheese]

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

It's important to know the difference between love and not wanting to be alone.

Yeah, this is something I'm acutely aware of..

[billybek]

Originally Posted by sc_rufctr

Take it from me, At 37 you don't have time to waste... In a blink of an eye you'll be 50.

Yep. Still not exactly sure how that happened.

Originally Posted by Bob Kontak

I have one. Met in college in the 1830's. She is married now. Not my business to mess with.
I thought Nostril Cheese was older than the earth. He still has vitality.

1830s?
Wow you are old!

Very sorry to hear about her brother. Sounds like you have a life friend there and maybe it is time to consider hanging out with her a bit more.

[Baz]

You have a great friend...and that comes from being a great friend yourself.

I'm glad you are one of our contributors, NC. Always enjoy your posts and perspective.

Everyone has their ups and downs.

I always say things always have a way or working out.

And they do.

Enjoy your single life...while you can!

[Seahawk]

I have been married long enough, am old enough, where I am a bit like fax machine repair man when it comes to relationship advice: I know how to fix things but my skills are a bit dated and not of much value

I really like your posts in this thread, NC, they reflect an amount of self awareness and maturity that will serve you well. The depth of your friendship with the young woman is a compliment to the both of you.

Take care of yourself and best.

[GH85Carrera]

Originally Posted by Bob Kontak

There is beauty in a long distance love.

I have one. Met in college in the 1830's. She is married now. Not my business to mess with. Occasional calls. Just normal stuff. Grown up kids and the associated hassles blah blah.

I thought Nostril Cheese was older than the earth. He still has vitality.

I say, regardless of the void she can fill, NC needs to be on his own. Relationship is fine. Coupling is a big no right now.

My sympathies for her brother. Surely, far too young.

Dang you are OLD!

What is your secret. If you went to college in the 1830s you must be close to 205 years old.

[asphaltgambler]

What you both have experienced is very rare...........the fact it continues............... I think is because you cherish the time you do have together. Years of doing this might be quickly extinguished by living as a couple with the day-2-day drudgery.

[pitargue]

I'm confused. Your very good friend lost a family member, and you're thinking about a relationship with the person in mourning?

[AFC-911]

Originally Posted by pitargue

I'm confused. Your very good friend lost a family member, and you're thinking about a relationship with the person in mourning?

This.

[Nostril Cheese]

We already have a relationship, as unconventional as it is. I was just sharing my thoughts and seeing if others had any insight..