So you want to live forever .....
 

The resent discussions of Schumi made me reflect, and share this:

My grandmother is 101 years old.
She's Blind, nearly deaf, she's mean and has dementia. Sometimes she recognizes her family, sometimes not.
She can't do much of anything by herself.

She was trying to walk this past weekend with a walker and an attendant, but she fell hard.
When they got her to the ER they tried to put her in ICU as she was diagnosed with pneumonia.
The ICU doctors said she always has pneumonia, high fever, ridiculously high blood pressure, she's 101 and she's dying.
But she's been dying for years.
She has a declaration on file for no life-support. If she goes she goes.
But she won't. Never met anyone more stubborn.

So the doctors at ICU will not admit her. The hospital says take her home.
The home where she has been living says don't bring her back here just to die.

My parents are not up to caring for the woman 24/7, but may have to hire a professional staffing to take care of her in their house $$$$$$$$$

There is a hospice nearby that they are talking to, they may agree to "warehouse" here until she passes.

The whole thing is depressing as hell, everyone is fighting the thought that she should just go.

I hope I never live long enough to be in that sitch.

Live good, die at a reasonable age, leave a good legacy you an be proud of.

Amen brother, words to live (and die) by....

Dennis

Here's my grandfather in July 2014 at 91 years old. He was still cutting down trees in his forest for firewood, speaking at church on every Sunday, yelling at everyone on the town council and digging boulders the size of small block Chevy's out of his yard, by hand, though he'd drag them out into the forest with the tractor and chains.

Meeting him, you would swear he was in his 70s. Early 70s.

I changed the oil in the car in early October, we had dinner at a little seafood shack on the CT river, he was in excellent health and on top of his game. Was planning on going to Poland with his church.

October 21, he passed away in his sleep.

He had the perfect life, raised a great family, always looking for ways to help others, and passed away perfectly. Miss him every day.

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My MIL is still living on her own at 90. She's slipping but so far so good. She sleeps around 16 hours a day, is depressed, and still drives her car to get things. I'm afaird this is just the start of things to come.

First, what a life it must have been to be alive for the past 100 years. Congratulations to her!
But - Where has she been living, Club Med? I've never heard of a old folks home that didn't take the old and dying. My wife worked in elder care for several years. She called it the checkout lane in the supermarket of life. Dying is part of the life cycle, celebrate her 100 years and embrace it. It is as it should be.

Grandparents on dad's side lived into their 80s and died quick. Both worked their farm up until the end, but I was young (6 for one and 9 for the other)

Grandparents on mom's side lived into their late 90s, and traveled the world until they were 90. Grandpa had the worst physically with his back and stenosis, but grandma had a habit of having TIAs. Grandma was strong and bull headed (after her last TIA she made the nurses find someone to speak the 9 languages she remembered knowing, to make sure she still new 'em!). Both took a long time of slowing down, but all at home. No long hospital stays, etc.

My gram is 93 and on the last leg. PAD with gangrene setting in. I can't imagine a worse way to die.
Chin up, 101 will get you in those smuckers commercials!!

I don't think I need worry too much about getting old. Our extended family all die in our fifties and sixties.

Gotta go and get out there and enjoy myself. I haven't got much time left :)

Watching my grandma slide into the grips of dementia, I know I don't want to go that way for sure. Watching Thuy's dad battle lung cancer, I don't like that much better. Dying is ugly business as you get old. Due to the age gap I will likely be around a few years after Thuy passes. She always jokes that I'll get young GF. I tell her no, I'll just get all the dangerous toys that she isn't fond of. I say I want to die quickly in a doe tusks crash at the track or something like that! No slipping into old age and diapers for me!

Here is my old friend of thirty plus years, Doris. She's 101 and insists she was a bar fly in a former life. At 98, she took the train from the town she lives in in Texas to visit us and later friends in Santa Barbara on her way back to Texas. Says she isn't going to be traveling alone like that anymore. Lived a great life living in South America, Mexico, Asia, and traveling other parts of the world in between. She worked for USAID in Asian countries and admits to playing strip poker with coworkers in several places. Got out of Saigon three days before the big collapse. She said her 100th birthday was a marker and can't see any reason for hanging around spending her niece's inheritance. She still enjoys life, just doesn't see any big reasons for prolonging it. I don't expect to hang around that long and hope to enjoy myself at least half as much as she has.


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Funny this is a thread. Just at the bar tonight with a friend that grandfather passed away earlier this week. He was 77. Wasn't sick to long and was able to say his goodbyes. Died at home in his own bed that faced that had a good view of the mountains.. Went out on his terms and seems like the way I'd prefer to go. Not many people have that luxury.

Blessing and a curse to live well into your 90s or 100s!!

We have a friend from church. She is 105 and as sharp as a razor. She does day trading for fun. If you met her you would think she was 80 ish. One of the NYC hospitals has her in a study on age.

She's a truly an amazing and charitable woman. She volunteers at my sister's (principal) RC school in the library 1-2 times per week. She has set up a scholarship fund as well for kids whose parents can't afford the tuition. And she was going on cruises solo until 2 years ago. Now she takes an aid with her. God bless Rose.

It's all in your genetic cards.

Your perspective changes as you get old.
Putting a number on how long one wants to live gets more personal.....as does the amount of aches & pains. At the moment, I am having "issues". If I recover from these, 10 years seems like a good number. If not.....it really don't matter much.

"hope I die before I get old"

I feel for you Sammy. My Mom is 92 and in a home due to dementia. She's alive but not really living. She's in that existence where she eats, breathes and moves around the house but thats it. My physical condition prevents me from taking her out and my brothers are too far way to help. I can't even have a normal conversation with her. And she shows no sign of fading physically. That generation is pretty tough.

Dying is THE most personal event in one's life.
I'd prefer to not...but I have no vote in the matter, unfortunately.

My grandma is there too. Can get around OK but doesn't know who anyone is most days. She was a very strong independent woman I can't imagine she'd like living this way. I had a relative who completely lost it to Alzheimer's and lived for 17 yrs in the nursing home not knowing anyone. I'd never want to live nearly 20yrs not knowing who anyone or anything is.

Age is a funny thing. I know people that are 60 that I look at and think, "Wow, they are OLD." Others that are 95 or 100 and I am certain their chart is wrong, no way they are more than 70.

Trick is to keep your mind alive. Did you know that people that dance regularly are much less likely to get dementia?

I knew a couple that cruised the Danube when he was 98 and she was 95. He was into photography, was pretty good too. They married in their late 80's, after their spouses died. They were dance partners at the local Elks Lodge. He wanted to tour Europe and wanted her to come along. She did not think it would be appropriate for them to travel together, not being married and all. He married her, took her to Europe, New Zealand, Australia and South America.


Her daughter did not approve, thought he was after her money. Ended up getting power of attorney over the little old lady and moved Estelle to Santa Barbara. Bill stayed in Sacramento, died within 6 months, the life just went out of him, died at 101. Makes me cry just thinking about it.

I swear if I ever see that daughter I will gut shoot her evil ass so she can get to Hell a little bit sooner.

Hey Tobra, you should edit your post a bit. I'm pretty sure you're showing criminal intent there.

My mother's hospice nurse called Pneumonia god's angel.

I can feel your pain having been close to 4 family members with long term illnesses that were sick and suffered for years.
3 of those were under 60 years old.
We can get sick and debilitated before we get old. :(

Currently my Mother in law (Mil) 79 years old is starting here 9th year with Alzheimers.

She lived in her own home with a crappy night nurse for 2 years.
Crappy as in Mil would turn the thermostat to max and overheat the house the nurse would just sleep with her bedroom window open.

After 2 years of long distance care requiring several phone calls a day, she finally agreed to move from the midwest to our location into a skilled nursing facility.
Had 2 mostly good years in the nursing facility.

Then 5 years ago moved into the memory care unit for advanced Alzheimers care.

We were lucky as Mil listened when I suggested to her back in the 90s about looking into long term health care insurance.
She got the top John Hancock policy that lasts indefinitely.

Mr Hancock has paid out $80k+ a year for the last 7 years.
I hear now days they only write these policies for 2 or 3 years.
So she is at the best facility in town getting great care and is not a financial burden on her family.

Long term health care insurance is something to be considered.
It saves your assets and provides good care and less stress on families that would normally have to shoulder the responsibility of providing the care first hand.

My wife and I have a 10 year long term health care policy we got 20 years ago.
I think the annual premium is $4k a year and that stops once the policy is activated.
My only request would be to be placed in a home where the nurses are all 20 something Costa Rican girls.

My wife's grandmother passed away just after her 99th birthday.

Sad part is she was suffered dementia and was bed-ridden since she was 78 years old :-(

This is another one of those threads that I read in the morning and think about a bit...which, to be frank, is the reason I like this place.

I do not know how exactly I will deal with being physically infirm should it happen. But I will deal with it. I would prefer, as did my parents, to not linger in my physical denouement and exit with dignity.

That I can manage. I watched both my parents understand that the nadir had been reached and begin the process of shutting down. Their malady was cancer and it was king. They were both, however weakened by cancer, sentient to the end.

I can do that. The last few conversations I had with my father were practical and funny and guided by forethought: He had planned his living will accordingly and wanted to make sure I followed it to the letter.

We then talked about which medicinal pot he might, all these years after his disappointments in my experimentation, try during chemo. A father and son can share a boat load of truth when the distance between perspectives is collapsed by experience.

What is so much harder, pervasive in my thoughts, is becoming mentally untenable: That is my fear, that I will not understand that I am a burden. I can handle the physical as long as the synapses are crossing the divide.

The sad thing with cancer is when it spreads to the brain. We are watching this with Thuy's dad. His original diagnoses was lung cancer, but he has a few spots on his brain, and its starting to get to him. He definitely has days where he doesn't make sense and seems foggy. Health is pretty good otherwise though.... :/

My wife's grandmother was 98 and still fairly healthy when she just gave up and had to be moved to a nursing home. She was depressed in that her husband had been dead for 30 years. Three of her children had already died. All of he long term friends had died.

My mother came down with brain cancer. We first noticed when she could not find her was to my house and she had been there hundreds of times. They tried radiation therapy and that did not help. She went quickly fortunately.

The man that started the company here did things right. In his words he "took early retirement at age 92." He took his last flight as pilot in command on his 92nd birthday. He had been flying since before WW2 and never once had an accident or even an off airport landing. He only retired because it is impossible to buy commercial insurance for a pilot 90 and up. When he was 89 he was flying the airplane and taking photos all by himself.

He was 98 and still lived at home, still drove his car. We called him one day to see if he remembered the name of the plumber we had used here at the office. He instantly told us the guys name and recited his phone number. We called him because we could not remember that.

One evening he kissed his wife goodnight and went upstairs to go to bed and she stayed up to watch a TV show. He dropped dead before she got upstairs. No long term hospital stay, no slow tortuous existence in a nursing home. That is a good life.

I for one, do not want to live forever but I do want to live a life full of life and when that last breath is taken know life was good.

At 67, I have already outlived my father, died at 64. My mother died last yr at 91 with full fledged dementia, osteoporosis and rheumatoid arthritis, her last yr was not one anyone would be envious. I do not want to end up in a nursing home, horrible places, IMHO.

All I can say is stay active, keep mental challenges going and live by" use it or lose it" and as they say the only thing guaranteed is death and taxes.

I have told my children when my time is at hand, lets go for a sail and let me stand on the side of the boat to take a pee and if I fall in, don't turn the boat around, besides crabs need something to eat.

There it is.

Pilots:cool:

The issue with modern medicine is that it does not only prolong your good years, but also your time suffering. It may even be disproportionately the time suffering that is extended. Also, as our lives get longer, we plan for it. Study longer, marry later, have kids later, work later and still run the risk of keeling over at 65.

I want to have a good run - at least have grandchildren, if the kids will deliver them. I hope for an easy out, no matter when the time comes. I hope it will be easier in the future to refuse treatment and even help yourself along in a manner that is easy for you and on the family and friends left behind.

My gramps knew it was over and just stopped taking his meds. It was still brutal - 3 days of slowly drowning from heart failure. I hope I will have good care with plenty of IV opioids when I get to the same spot one day. We can't all just not wake up one day, unfortunately.

G

This is so true!
Some people are sharp as a tack at 90-100, traveling the world, driving cars, flying airplanes... other people at 60 just "aren't there".

Mom turned 92 Monday, she says "things were good to 80 then I started to fall apart".
Dad passed away a little over a year ago year... strong as an ox but his last days were not pretty.

Looking at family genes I should be good to 90, hate to sound morbid but not sure I want to make it past 80.

Maybe some.

How about I just run her over a little bit?

Maybe say you're "Feeling just a little bit stabby". ;)

Change that to accidentally backed over her...

My parents have run their course in their early 80's. It's going to be a very difficult road for all of us from here on out.

Pop is 99, sharp as a tack, but his body and eyes have given up. Still a very sweet guy, but he's had enough. I hope its peaceful for him, Shaun's dad had the perfect ending it seems.

Went to my grandfather's folder and found this pic from early September. He had cut down the dead tree, dug it out and was working on how to pull the stump out with the tractor.

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My mom will be 22 years old at the end of the month.;)
She lives with us (several years now), has her own out-law, basement with walkout apartment. I've only seen her for a few minutes this week. There have been some rough spots but overall no real issues having her here.
The bad for her is seeing most of your friends and some of your kids die off. Luckily she still has many of her younger family who come around.
She still has her faculties but we can see dementia slowly creeping in.

In looking at her as long as I have my mind I will continue on.

What's that in American years??

I'm trying not to think of the end of life right now. I've worked my behind off. Our first retirement plan fell through and my wife and I are getting more aggressive about slowing down. I want some time to enjoy doing only what I want before I go.
My wife made us a retirement clock. It reminds us of our goal.


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^ ^ ^
Nifty.
.
This has become a most seductive thread, for me.
Frequently, during each day lately, I'll think...
"Will it happen here as I'm cleaning up the patio?...or now, as I'm taking a shower?..."
I had a quad by-pass in '11 and a congestive heart issue March '15...lots of meds now.
As a result, I've become more empathetic, compassionate, and generous with those close to me.
If I had a choice, I'd prefer to have a few days, maybe weeks, to digest and embrace the actuality of my own end rather than the shock of grabbing my chest at that frightful moment and realizing, "Oh phuque!, this is 'IT'...I'm not ready."
One can fantasize, eh?...but life doesn't care, I realize that.

Whoa!

So that makes you, what, 3 or 4 years old? :)

You're the first one to notice. :D

Think about it. ;)