Virus alert!

[id10t]

Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but
it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It
will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice
cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit
cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field
harmonics to scratch any DVDs or Blu Ray discs you try to play.

It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It
will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and
leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming
over. It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit
pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.

Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will
give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your
gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your
girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to
your Discover card.

It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she
is dead, such is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the
grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't
find it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on
your boss's voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It
is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather
interesting shade of mauve.

Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the
toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methanphedime in your bathtub
and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase
gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.












(sorry, had to dig out a bit of history...)

[Bob Kontak]

Originally Posted by id10t

Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin.

(sorry, had to dig out a bit of history...)

You say falling in love with a penguin like it's a bad thing.

Jeebus, this thing is old. Sweet. Pre Norton, maybe?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goodtimes_virus

One of my favorites from the way back:

Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078


Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu Barbie". It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to it's modern origin:

1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.

2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.

3. The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the "ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams" you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:

A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.

B. Clams don't have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in it's normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name "Australopithecus spiff-arino." Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,

Harvey Rowe
Curator, Antiquities

[john70t]

My body is willing.

[red-beard]

The most ridiculous part of the one below, one of the secretaries at GE was directed by her boss to re-type this hoax and it made it into a serious printed monthly newsletter.

Subject: FW: For your safety

SOMETHING U MUST READ FOR YR SAFETY

This is a true story, it has been confirmed, the Medical Centre phone number at the end of this story is real!

A friend in Australia rang it to confirm it, as he did not believe the story to begin with either.

This guy went out on a Saturday night a few weeks ago to a party. He was having a good time and had a couple of beers and some girl seemed to like him & invited him to go to another party. He quickly agreed & decided to go along with her. She took him to a party in some apartment and they continued to drink, & even got involved with some drugs(unknown).

The next thing he knew, he woke up completely naked in a bathtub filled with ice. He was still feeling the effects of the drugs, but looked around to see he was alone. He looked down at his chest, which had “CALL 000 or YOU’LL DIE” written on it with lipstick. He saw a phone was on a stand next to the bathtub so he picked it up & dialled. He explained to the EMS operator what the situation was & that he didn’t know where he was, what he took, or why he was really calling. She advised him to get out of the tub. He did, and he appeared normal, so she told him to check his back. He did, he found two 9 inch slits on his lower back. She told him to get back into the tub immediately, and they sent a rescue team over.

Apparently, after being examined, he found out more of what had happened.

His kidneys were stolen. They were worth $10,000 each in the black market.

Several guesses are in order: The second party was a sham, the people involved had to be at least medical students & it was not just reacreational drugs he was given. Regardless, he is currently in the hospital on a life support, awaiting a spare kidney.

The University of Sydney in conjunction with the Royal Prince Alfred hospital is conducting tissue research to match the victim with a donor.

I wish to warn you about a new crime ring that is targeting business travellers. This ring is well organised and well funded, has very skilled personnel & is currently operating in most major cities around the world and recently very active in Sydney.

The crime begins when a business traveller goes to a lounge for a drink at the end of the work day. A person in the bar walks up as they sit alone and offers to buy them a drink. The last thing the traveller remembers until they wake up in a hotel room bathtub, their body submerged to their neck in ice, is sipping that drink. There is a note taped to the wall instructing them not to move and to call 000. A phone is on the small table next to the bathtub for them to call. The business traveller calls 000 who have been quite familiar with this crime. The business traveller is instructed by the 000 operator to very slowly and carefully reach behind them and feel if there is a tube protruding from their back. The business traveller finds the tube and answers “YES”. The 000 operator tells them to remain still, having already sent paramedics to help. The operator knows that both of the traveller’s kidneys had been harvested.

This is not a scam or out of science fiction novel. It is real. It is documented and confirmable. If you travel or someone close to you travels, please be careful. Sadly, this is very true. My friend’s husband is a Sydney EMT and they have received alerts regarding this crime ring. It is to be taken very seriously. The daughter of a friend of a fire-fighter had this happen to her. Skilled doctors are performing these crimes! (which, by the way have been highly noted in the Brisbane area). Additionally, the military has received alerts regarding this.

I WANT AS MANY PEOPLE TO SEE THIS AS POSSIBLE SO PLEASE SEND THIS TO WHOEVER YOU CAN.

Michele Shafer DML/Lab Administration, Medical Manager Research & Development, 99 Missenden RD, Camperdown, Sydney2000 Tel: (02) 95156111; Fax: (02) 94621505 PLEASE forward this to everyone you know.

[Bob Kontak]

Originally Posted by red-beard

one of the secretaries at GE was directed by her boss to re-type this hoax and it made it into a serious printed monthly newsletter.

1986. Out I-10 by FM1960 in Houston, the IT guy told Milly. the head guy's secretary, to warn everybody (35 peeps) to put their 5 1/4" floppy discs in the cupboard because the partial eclipse of the sun would erase the data.

One at a time. She did it.

[M.D. Holloway]

no cool stuff like that ever happens at my work, I think we are all too apathetic!

[kach22i]

Originally Posted by Bob Kontak

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goodtimes_virus

The Goodtimes virus was supposedly transmitted via an email bearing the subject header "Good Times" or "Goodtimes," hence the virus's name, and the warning recommended deleting any such email unread. The virus described in the warnings did not exist, but the warnings themselves, were, in effect, virus-like.

Not good times at all.

Funny stuff though.

[widebody911]