Lost a friend to suicide

[speeder]

Good guy, known him for around 30 years but haven't seen him as much recently. Straining to remember the last time, not too long ago, I'm sure.

Apparently, life went off the rails and not many people knew about it in detail. He was a divorced father of one teenaged daughter whom he adored and he was getting screwed out of his time w her by ex-wife and her new husband. He also had health and financial stress, apparently.

I may have had an inkling that times were not perfect when I saw him but life is tough sometimes and frankly, quite a few people my age are struggling w one personal problem or another. I am, but nothing overwhelming at this time. Just normal sadness over older relatives dying and some health stuff mixed w happiness about other things. I'm in mid-50s, he was close to me in age.

Anyhow, it's incredibly sad because he had a lot of friends and he basically live-streamed his suicide on Facebook. No, he did not film it but he wrote a suicide note and then shot himself in the head while on the phone w a friend who saw it and was pleading w him to reconsider. A comment thread ensued w hundreds of responses, eventually someone was able to confirm that he did it.

I don't know what this says about the web and the times we live in but it actually makes perfect sense-what better way to broadcast your final message to everyone you want to see it. There was a little shot at the ex-wife and her husband but not really excessive. He was a nice guy, not a vindictive or angry type.

His name was Robert, I don't want to put last name here because I don't want this thread to come up in a search. Please don't add it if you happen to know him. He was a Canadian of Croatian descent who was an extremely talented pianist, also a song writer. He had some success as a young man but in the note, he complained that he hadn't written a song in a long time and pronounced himself a failure. Absolutely no one who knew him considered him a failure, just a good person and talented. "Making it" in a creative or artistic field can be very difficult and have more to do w commercial appeal at the time or other factors beyond one's control.

Now I'm babbling but thought I'd share it here in case anyone is hurting and needs to talk about it. Everyone who cares about you wants to know. Anonymous people on the internet are willing to help, though the risk of insensitive remarks is there.

Just sad.

[DonDavis]

Very sad.
Godspeed Robert...
Peace and Strength to you, Denis.

[Baz]

I found out a month or so ago that my college roommate died this past Spring. We were seniors at the time both Hort majors and were chosen to live in a cottage on the grounds of the Hort research facility in exchange for doing odds and ends on weekends and after hours when the regular staff were not there. I think it must have been cancer, but since we didn't stay in touch after graduation, I'm not positive. I doubt it was suicide.

Regardless it's always a somber feeling when you lose a buddy.

Losing one to suicide is both sad and frustrating...knowing that there was always a possibility that someone may have intervened.

Condolences on the loss of your friend, Denis.

[Tobra]

That is harsh. I have known a few that have done themselves in, and it has blown my mind every time. They have all been artists too, not sure what, if anything that means.

Don't beat yourself up too much about not seeing warning signs, hindsight is 20/20, but nobody ever got anywhere looking backwards.

[KevinP73]

A good friend of mine chose to end her life a few years back. I know it wasn't an easy decision for her and I'm sure it was no easier for your friend Denis. The only thing that can be said is I hope he finds the peace he's looking for. May he rest in Peace.

You've got my number. Call if you want/need.

[scottmandue]

To be an good artist you have to be extremely sensitive...
And to be an artist you put you heart and soul in you work...
Then you have to put it "out there" for everyone to criticize...
Perilous situation.

[jhynesrockmtn]

Sorry to read this Denis. I hope all of those who knew him including his immediate family and friends get the help they need to process this.

I was adopted at birth. My biological father committed suicide at 20, 8 months after I was born. I met my bio Mom 24 years ago and have become quite close to her and that side of the family. I have also met and spent some quality time with his surviving family, in particular a younger sister who was quite close to him. I still see the impact of this over 50 years later with all of these people who loved him......

[onewhippedpuppy]

Really sorry Denis. A friend of my wife and I committed suicide earlier this year, still a shock to me thinking about it now. Married with two great young kids, husband was a dick and I suspect at least emotionally abusive, she had survived two bouts with breast cancer and had a great and positive outlook on life, at least outwardly. She had been watching a movie with her husband and drinking, got up between movies and shot herself in the head with the kids home and sleeping in their beds. Absolutely shocking to everyone that knew her and I still feel like we never got the entire story. Still hard to not tear up thinking about it now.

[creaturecat]

sorry for the loss of your friend. take care.

[Evans, Marv]

Sorry to hear about your friend, Denis. I had a friend put an end to his life many years ago. In his case his life had almost never been on a positive path for a long time. It was mostly of his making though. He was a person who couldn't bring himself to do right with those around him in his family and had been an alcoholic since a teen. As a result of his destructive behavior most of his friends and family shunned him. At least your friend didn't leave a swath of devastation behind.

[craigster59]

Sorry to hear Denis. Most suffer in silence even though support is all around if they would just share their thoughts and problems. But most have already made the decision to go through with it at the end, so there is some peace for them before the final act.

My Mother committed suicide when I was 15. Divorced with 3 boys, 2 of us in our rambunctious teens, injured at work and as I look back, most likely addicted to the painkillers prescribed. She did the vacuum cleaner hose to the tailpipe so no blood or trauma, but horrible none the less. She thought we would be better off without her. Very sad.

Anyway, thoughts and prayers to you and Robert's family. Hopefully it will open up a dialogue for all those who knew Robert to seek help if they ever find themselves in a similar situation.

I only say this because my Mother killed herself approximately 1 month after the neighbor across the street committed suicide (same way with the car). 2 months after my Mother her best friend killed herself as her marriage was going south (same way with the car). At the time it seemed as if suicide had become contagious. Hang in there.

[wdfifteen]

So sorry Denis. Robert must have had some terrible burdens.

[speeder]

Originally Posted by craigster59

Sorry to hear Denis. Most suffer in silence even though support is all around if they would just share their thoughts and problems. But most have already made the decision to go through with it at the end, so there is some peace for them before the final act.

My Mother committed suicide when I was 15. Divorced with 3 boys, 2 of us in our rambunctious teens, injured at work and as I look back, most likely addicted to the painkillers prescribed. She did the vacuum cleaner hose to the tailpipe so no blood or trauma, but horrible none the less. She thought we would be better off without her. Very sad.

Anyway, thoughts and prayers to you and Robert's family. Hopefully it will open up a dialogue for all those who knew Robert to seek help if they ever find themselves in a similar situation.

I only say this because my Mother killed herself approximately 1 month after the neighbor across the street committed suicide (same way with the car). 2 months after my Mother her best friend killed herself as her marriage was going south (same way with the car). At the time it seemed as if suicide had become contagious. Hang in there.

Wow, that is a flurry of them. I'm so sorry to hear your story and that of others here. I'm fine but feel for those closest to him, especially his 15 y.o. daughter. I've gotten sort of numb to death and tragedy, there is so much in the news lately. 3 cops gunned down in SoCal in the last week.

I've had people closer to me do it and felt the normal remorse of wondering if I could have prevented it. In this case, I don't think anyone could have. He shot himself in the middle of a calm, rational conversation with a friend who was trying to talk him down from the ledge, so to speak. Almost like he knew he had to do it quickly before he got talked out of it.

He was a kind, gentle soul who just got overwhelmed w life. I don't think he was mentally ill in any way other than depression, obviously.

[Tobra]

You may think you are becoming insensitive to tragedy, but if you were, this thread would not exist.

[KFC911]

Very sorry Denis...some things I just don't understand.

[Danimal16]

I lost a good Colonel friend of mine this way when we were in Iraq. Had the same remorse that you did Denis, you know, could I have helped him, how did I miss this. Our senior enlisted were very disheartened as he was incredibly talented and a remarkable leader. What haunts me to this day is that he was with us all, yet so terribly alone. He did not deserve to be that alone.

[Oh Haha]

So sorry for your loss Denis.


My younger sister's first husband took this way out about 6 months after they were married. Like others stated, no one saw it coming. He was, on the outside, charming and funny, handsome and one of the most popular guys at our HS. He didn't leave any notes so we have no idea why he did it.

Unfortunately, it's the survivors that feel the pain long after the event and not knowing why can be unbearable.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by Danimal16

What haunts me to this day is that he was with us all, yet so terribly alone. He did not deserve to be that alone.

Stunning post.

Suicide remains one of the great mysteries of the human condition to me. My heart goes out to the family and friends of Robert, left to explore the why.

Best, Denis.

[1990C4S]

Originally Posted by speeder

He was a kind, gentle soul who just got overwhelmed w life. I don't think he was mentally ill in any way other than depression, obviously.

There was a thread recently about 'starting over'. I suspect that's where your friend was. In the thread here losing everything you had worked for was viewed by some as 'a great opportunity'. To individuals who have lost everything (probably via divorce), starting over is anything but a great opportunity. It can be a constant struggle that can remove all the joy from your life. If you can't reframe your life and expectations then you never see a way out.

Your friend may have simply decided it was not worth the effort. I don't think he had to be depressed, or mentally ill. He may have rationally looked at his options and decided 'it ain't worth it'. Neither you nor any or his friends could have fixed that.

I feel sorry for both of you.

[Jim Richards]

I'm sorry about the loss of your friend, Denis. RIP Robert.