The Difference Between - Failing and Not Succeeding
 

For the PP brain trust. I've been reflecting a lot lately on my last 10 years regarding my roller- coaster ride in my professional life, also to some extent my personal life. To the point I'm hard on myself, have high goals and thus high expectations. Those things that drive me are the product of my parents who fit squarely into The Greatest Generation.

The core of that is this: You can be anything you want to be, attain anything you desire as long as you work hard, educate yourself and don't give up.

Example: In the late 90's I had enough of the retail car business seeing that ultimately I was making everyone else wealthy. I put myself through many IT related short courses and found a help desk position with an attorney's firm. I thought I had succeeded until the firm was sold just after the IT implosion.......a double whammy.

Early 2000's I couldn't buy an IT job, very reluctantly went back to what I know but going on to work for a very prestigious BMW indie shop, making the most I ever had until the end of 2007 when the housing crisis pretty much did that business ( as most others) in.

Fast forward a few years. I scored a part-time gig with county government I currently work for now. Due to budget cuts in the division I was working, there was no full time position available even after 2 years of busting my @ss for pennies.

I then applied and accepted a position with the same county, but I'm essentially a mechanic. Also I had to start at the bottom there as that's how the 'system' works in the economy where good full time jobs are few, the willing applicants .............hundreds.

So my thought is I didn't score the full time IT office job but I did score a good position with a department that is considered essential. There is a lot more heart break, sweat, brokenness and disappointment that would take too long to explain. I'm struggling with at this point if I've failed or just not succeeded in my goals

(I'm 51) I think a lot of guys around my age are going through the same thing.

You haven't failed because you're still out there having a go. Failed would be sitting at home after having given up.

A movie I saw recently. "Blood Father" overall not bad but the lead character reminded so
much of guys I know who just drift around from job to job not getting much of anything done.

Limited opportunities does not make it your fault.

Would you move for a good job? I know that's huge.

Ambitious people tend to be too hard on themselves. Nothing is ever as good as it could have been. The same drive that makes us succeed makes us crazy, makes us doubt ourselves, and is the cause of much anxiety and unhappiness.
Be proud of yourself. In the words of John Wayne (or some other cowboy sage, I'm not sure) "Ya done good boy, ya done done real good."

I don't subscribe to this. Whatever I do or accomplish, its never enough. I have to take everything I do to the most extreme level, due to my fear of dying and that sickening feeling of regret once I get older.

I'm happy that other people can be satisfied with a less extreme existence, but that's just not me.

I went from ten years in the family HVAC business... figured I was smarter than that job (and working for family is not all so much fun).
Went back to school and got a two year AA tech degree.
Got a good job at Johnson Controls... economy went in the toilet and they had to lay a bunch of us off a year later.
At tech school they told us not to go into computers because you could take a 9 month class in IT and it would be a waste of our degree.
Did I mention the economy was in the toilet? I had friends in the computer industry and they got me assorted jobs configuring and then field service.
Hated that job and had a mini mental breakdown.
Found a job working for the state at a science museum, State job = great benefits & job security BUT low pay and huge frustrating bureaucracy to deal with at every turn.

Would love to leave the job but just a few more years to retirement... trying to hold on.

However more of a fail is my marriage... not sure I can or want to live with my wife the rest of my life but too old to start over :(

Losers say "it could be worse". Winners say "it could be better - now I just need to figure out how to get there"

I'm 57, love this area where I grew up. Being close to DC the most powerful city in the world, money and opportunities are abundant, but anything trade related is less so. Stastically speaking, the county I work for is in the top 10 in the country for wealth. Their total budget for 2017 = 2.99 Billion. Yes Billion.

They ( same county) rated highest in on overall compensation and quality of life for their employees edging out even the Federal gov- ment.

But my work is hard, grueling at times and not fulfilling.........kinda like its groundhog day - day on - day out. There is opportunity as over 27% of the workforce is retiring and I have worked hard moving up 2 positions in under 3 years.

hmmm.. An optimist says the glass is half full, a pessimist says the glass is half-empty, and an engineer/pragmatist says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
'
read: everyone finds the 'achievement glass' size that is appropriate to their needs, OCD or otherwise.

Are you out there every day trying to move forward? If the answer is yes, then you are succeeding. The storms are going to come...and go.

The way that I heard it was that some say the glass is half full, others say half empty. I am more pragmatic and realize that if I hang around long enough someone is going to have to wash that damned glass...;)

Yes, including, "The glass is as full as it's supposed to be."

Because I was thirsty ....

Everything in moderation.

Need to look at the big picture with family, health and succeeding in your career.

And who has the most toys :D

Too much flip flopping on the goals. If you want a full-time IT job, get a full-time IT job. Seems you gave up too quickly on that and it wasn't a real goal to begin with. And why bother with county jobs with red tape, low pay, and "grueling" work? Settle on the specific role you want, assess your probability and skills for that role, and be laser-like in achieving it. Try the private sector.

If you're a mechanic now, does this make you happy? Doesn't sound like it. Each day you do that job makes it more challenging to switch industries.

pbbbbt!

The operative word for this Thread and it's Posters en-total is BEWILDERMENT...your levels of conscious awareness about yourselves is dismal. there in lies those limitations in vision that I have been mentioning. Myopia...

Fact of life is that at the end of our day in the sun we die. So what in between becomes most important, wealth, fame, position and power? I would like to see anyone take it with them? Most I imagine at the end would trade it all to just enjoy having a glass of water.

I came to this ^^^ conclusion when I was 20 years old. So what becomes important in the face of it all. Our capacity to love and show kindness to others, for there go I.* So at 20 with a fierce determinism I set out down the road of self awareness, learning about myself and the human condition. In this ongoing endeavor of decades (which one might say is a life's work) I have been successful beyond my wildest dreams. I am astonished at what I know and can do now. So I have won no accolades or awards for achievements in this world, but I have peace of mind and can navigate any shoals with aplomb.

What men have to learn is that they have limitations in what they can do today (for we are not Gods) which does not mean that today's limitation is tomorrows as we continue to grow with experience over our lifetimes. Then another set of limitations is our life's circumstances. If a person is wheelchair bound he certainly is not going to be able to run a marathon no matter how hard they try. (A simple but poignant analogy). For example I have heard many people who lived through the Depression say that no matter how much you wanted to work there was no work to be had. That is a life circumstance beyond our control.


In this life we all have pain, loss, struggle, disappointment and sorrow ( we all know or will know someone who is no longer with us) . Needless to say we have our brighter moments as well...the trick is to know what is an internal causation of failure or success and what is an external causation or life's circumstances.


What I have been leading to as to the future of America is that if one path is blocked by circumstance another path must be found. A redefinition of what success in the world means, as the road of conspicuous consumption of economies of scale is being proved to be disastrous as the money and credit is running out for continuous expansion. The result is chaos and fragmentation as the system (mechanism) deflates and disintegrates. And no Trump determinism is going to bring Humpty Dumpty back, because the circumstances that set it in motion in the first place are now different. I find that most of the powers that be over the past 8 years are trying to resurrect what once was....as the old saying goes you can never go home as that place no longer exists in time and space.



* This is the sentiment that I expressed to the Priest (at the hospice where Sandy had just died) that made him cry. He said, "If only more people only understood that."

Verbal diarrhea... Do you get paid by the word?

Tabs - I think you just blew my mind!

I'm 55 and I feel the same way. 2 things I am trying to accomplish now - say goodbye to the W2 philosophy, get off my comfort zone. If I can do both I'm at least on the road to success.


Sent from my Tapatalk.

I'm a really ****ty cook.

I've always been a ****ty cook, even though in high school I was paid to be a cook

I could take cooking lessons but I would still be a ****ty cook.

I'm not going to improve my cooking, I'm going with my strengths and making more than enough money to pay somebody else to cook. Cooking slows me down and even I became the best cook I could be, you wouldn't want to eat it, so cooking is off my list of things to improve. In fact there are many things that I'm not going to try to get any better at because it wouldn't make much of a difference and I would still struggle,to do those things well. I've accepted that.

Too many people try to be the best at things they are not suited for. Find your fit.

On your death bed tell me that again...

When you put your head down on the pillow at night you cease to be who you are during the day...where all those little demons (fears, compulsions etc) get to run around in your head....it is then that you have to face yourself...you just become another human being...and that is where I own you.

Now come back when you are really black.

It's the Truth.

But it's not something you came up with, or is hard to discover.

It, of course, is straight out of the Bible.

Guys with stiletto fetishes don't scare me.

Good luck, OP. Do what you're good at and makes you happy. If not the current gig, get another one. SmileWavy

This is a case of internal interest and life circumstance which doesn't make cooking a good fit for you. You could be a journeyman cook as it is a learned skill, but to have the touch requires a love for and being in an environment conducive to becoming a talented..or artistic cook if you will...having that certain knack.

I like to cook and cook well, I like to do it (that is the internal)..my Dad always said he would like to have cooked better, he had a BS degree in Chemistry being interested since boyhood. What does a Chemist do but mix chemicals together to achieve a desired result, what does a cook do but mix foods (ingredients) together to achieve a tasty food. The external lifes circumstance for me is that my Dad mixed things together to get a desired result. My way of being a Chemist is by being a cook. Different genres but essentially the same process is at work.

The other factor is that my Dad had an analytic ability which he applied in a quantitative scientific fashion. I have applied the same learned through him analytic ability to the qualitative ability to discern personality and the human dynamic. In my own way I have made human behavior into a science. It is all process and mechanism an equation if you will.

Here chaos is a constant variable, but once you can see through that haze People become very predictable,

I love these threads, "''cause they give you an insight into your inner self.
Have mercy!" (Thanks Maurice, EW&F).

One of the guys I admire the most retired from the Navy as a CDR and decided to go to work at a job that gave him the utmost flexibility to live a life of exploration and family. Even on active duty he took himself off the fast track and took jobs overseas so is four children could experience life living in Italy and France.

His kids are all great. His three boys all went to the Naval Academy - two are pilots an the third was sent to get his master in aerospace engineering prior to fight school. His daughter works for non-profits in DC and married one of the best young men I know.

They were all over on Thanksgiving and we, as we do annually, put down the nascent clay pigeon rebellion.

While I love him, his wife and his kids, his deal ain't mine: I don't vacay well, never have, never will. I like busy and I like to wake up and be a little nervous on how the enterprise I run is going to do. I like to make things and help change the way commercial and DoD use of drones will go.

The point is none of us know what drives the next person: Wealth, family, security, art, the itch that can't be scratched, etc.

So, to the OP: I have read your posts for many years and have come to admire your perspective. At 57 and moving up the chain in a part of the world you love living in, what are you thinking of chasing that would make you happy?

Start there.

Of course it is not original..I have since I was 20 quoted as being my motto, "What does it gain a man to gain the world only to lose his soul."

But I once did have that epiphany on the road to Damascus.

Clear away the haze and you can figure it out....you just have to pay attention to the detail (facts) and know what your own perceptional bias is and weigh that out of the equation. The trick is knowing what your own bias's are? That means you have to unravel them. That requires thought, self examination and time...

For example for BO it is not being President, he does not like the job, bringing change is only a means to his real goal of being a Great President like Lincoln or Jefferson or Washington in history...His face on MT Rushmore is more important to him than having power or money.

Bill Clinton & HRC...it isn't the money it is having power and being the center of attention. Money is just a facilitator for them, they jones for power...of being at the center of the action.

Trump is a doer a builder, lets start a project and accomplish the task of getting er done. Fixing America is his new project. Pride of accomplishment...is what he basks in.

Clear away the purple haze and it is all to behold before you.

Tabs, I get the whole transferable skill set and process thinking thing. It's huge and more people need to leverage those.

What I am talking about is I guess the formulas and specific equation.

The first half of my life I spent trying to learn to do everything well. With time running out, I'm now focussing the second half of my life leveraging what I do really well.

I will die imperfect. I can live with that.

Great platitudes..the trick is to apply it...

What's the difference?

Attitude!

Pray tell me what "attitude" is? And how do we pick a good one?

The missing link is that OP never identified what his goal was.

Is it to work in IT ?
Is it to have a stable county job?
What do you want?
Why have you failed?

It sounds like you're doing a young man's role (mechanic) at an old age, nearing retirement age.
This was due to having to reset a few times due to economic shocks.

Maybe the county job would be fine, but in a different, more age appropriate role?



Also, I'd like to know how OP scored a mechanic job in his mid 50s.
Did you have any experience? I am assuming you were in sales at the BMW shop?

Ok - I think this is going off the rails a bit.............................

My question to all here is not what I should do with my career or advice thereof, but more philosophical. As in thinking to yourself; you have or had a major goal be it professional or personal but on some level you did not fully attain it. Say in actuality you pursued every avenue, did your best but your goal was not realized.

Is that failure (still) or just not succeeding?

At the end of the day- That's your call.

I often think the same things, but alway come to the same conclusion- Had I done 'that' instead of 'this', I would have sacrificed something else. When I analytically look at other paths, there are always the "grass is always greener" pro's I wish I had of taken, however, upon deeper reflection, the cons were there all along, and like a minefield, I was unwilling (and many of time for good reason) to go trapesing(sp?) through them. So (for better or worse) here I am.

my own daily affirmations with Stuart Smalley:
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There are a lot of people on this Board who have had ambitiously high expectations only to realize that time has slipped by and they will not attain those IDEALIZED goals.

Some have said it is talent, hard work and that external factor of having luck that has made the diff. Luck can be said to be at the right place at the right time, or to have met the right person at a propitious time.

Steve Martin said something that always stuck with me...."If you are good you will be found."

It also maybe that it doesn't work out the way that you think it should. But that thought is above my pay grade.

Steve Martin also dropped out of college to grind the comedy club circuit. He wasn't "found", rather, he marketed the hell out of himself until someone noticed. His girlfriend sent his material to the Smother's show, his big break

That said, remember that He who dies with the most toys IS STILL DEAD.
You won't ever find someone on their deathbed saying "I wish I had worked more hours and made more money".

"Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also". I want to enjoy my life now and invest in my eternity future after this one.

If you fall down six times, get up seven. If you do that, you have not failed. After that, it's not about having what you want as much as it is being happy with what you have.

If you are racing, and your car is sliding off the road and into a guard rail, if you focus on the guard rail, you will hit it. However, if you focus on the exit of the corner, and the road ahead, All of your mind and body will work together to get you there.

What are you looking at today, the road ahead, or the guard rail ? BTW, if you are going through a difficult corner, and you start looking in the rear view mirror, you will spin out.

Keep looking forward.

I have attained all the goals I had when entering the workforce (by a huge amount)...as far as my work, finances, marriage, etc. but as you achieve them, you usually make higher ones as far as money/work...all the way to retirement. While I far exceeded my 20's goals, I will likely not achieve all the ones I made at 50...as the yardstick has moved. I find it disappointing, but I will not quite get there on a couple current goals. Even that is hard to reconcile for me. Obviously, for most, I can keep on working (until I am 80) and will make a lot more money and achieve more...but, not sure that will make me any more happy than simply moving on to something else in life.

Maybe your goals are just higher than a lot of folks. I know my expectations were pretty low when I was a young man as far as employment/finances (as I felt those did not define me...and came from a poor family) and high as far as relationships (marriage/love life, etc.). Those have switched somewhat (although my primary relationship, marriage, has thrived) and I wonder if there is a better balance with friends/family and work.

What is really important to you?

I've given a lot of thought to that. It's hard for me to relate. My philosophy is that life isn't a game to win or lose, it just IS. On those occasions when I did my best and it didn't work out I just moved on to the next thing. Seldom gave it a second thought. I guess success is moving on with a spring in your step. Failure is dwelling on it not working out.