My Uncle is Dead to me, can I rant here?

[fastfredracing]

My Dad lost it all in Bankruptcy in 1996. He was already not in good financial shape, but then had a heart attack and lost it all, the house, all the cars, all the family money .
We had some cool cars, including, a 1970 ss 396, bought brand new by dad, and it was the car that I was brought home from the hospital in when I was born. It has 23,000 miles.
My dad gave my Uncle the inside line in his bankruptcy ,and my uncle stole the car for pennies. I had just started my biz, bought a house, and did not have a pot to piss in at the time .
Yesterday , on top of having a young son born, was my other Uncles funeral, and at the funeral, he offered the car to my cousins husband, who is a rich little douche. Got all his money from Daddy, and flaunts it .
I never mentioned the car to my uncle, in the past, as I did not want any weird feelings between us, but sort of thought it unspoken, that should he ever sell it, he would offer it to me first .
My uncle Jan , was sort of always my hero, and honestly I am having a hard time not picking up the phone and telling him to go fvk himself to hell, and shove that car up his ass.
Thanks for listening . Am I in the wrong for my ill feellings here? I grew up with this car .

[stomachmonkey]

You need to call him and get it off your chest regardless of where it might lead.

Congratulations on the new baby.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

Yesterday , on top of having a young son born, was my other Uncles funeral, and at the funeral, he offered the car to my nieces husband, who is a rich little douche. Got all his money from Daddy, and flaunts it .

My uncle Jan , was sort of always my hero, and honestly I am having a hard time not picking up the phone and telling him to go fvk himself to hell, and shove that car up his ass.
Thanks for listening . Am I in the wrong for my ill feellings here? I grew up with this car .

Congratulations on the new baby. You are a better man than I Gunga Din.

Concerning your uncle? It is a story repeated countless times across the world, the right and wrong way to deal with inheritance, lost family treasures and expectations.

I'd call Jan and tell him how you feel, dispassionately with no FU's. Get it off your chest...do not let this fester. It is important to you.

Don't expect it to go well. Say what is on your mind and move on. You'll learn a lot about Uncle Jan.

[ossiblue]

I don't think you're wrong for your feelings, but if you have never broached the subject of the car with your Uncle, how was he to know? The "unspoken" idea that you should be offered it first is your own fabrication. I wouldn't hold it against him for getting the car for "pennies" on the dollar--that's what happens in bankruptcy and it was a deal between brothers. Your financial situation and inability to buy the car is something that your uncle likely doesn't know or, at least, he did not put two and two together. You cannot be angry at a person for not doing something of which they are unaware.

I would let your anger cool a bit, then calmly tell your uncle just how you feel, and why. Don't accuse, but let him know that the car meant a lot to you and you would really like him to consider offering it to you. His son's attitude is irrelevant. You can only relate your feelings and await his response. He has never been enlightened on the matter so why not enlighten him now? Regardless of his response, your anger now is one-way and misdirected if the object of that anger is unaware that he, or his actions, are the cause.

[masraum]

Yeah, I think you need to talk to your uncle. Hopefully, you can stay calm in the process.

I've seen family do strange stuff or not think about what they were doing. Your uncle should have thought about you, but unless your dad put a clause into the sale, then it may not have been something that the uncle thought about or maybe he was just thinking about himself and making money off of your rich douche nozzle.

You might even think that if your uncle made a ton of money off of the car, that he might give some to your dad, but again, most folks aren't like that.

[matthewb0051]

Agree with others. Let it cool off then say your peace.

I had similar recently with my mother (a pensioner) paying for my 54 yo sister to go on trips to Hawaii, Alaska, and most recently London/Spain. I told them both off, politely. My mother for ignoring her grandchildren (my kids) me and my wife; and my sister for taking money from a senior citizen living on fixed income.

Don't expect anything to change. I did not but just wanted to settle it and let them know that I knew and had heartache over it. They suck.

[quicksix]

Hey a resentment!
It onlys hurts you, he probabaly doesn't know or doesn't care.
Identify the feelings it hurts in you, anger for him taking advantage of your dad, and by extension, you.Take some time ,maybe write it down, sit on it for a day or two. Then reread and edit until you get clear what you want to say, and how you want to say it.
You have some feellings toward pops too, address those at the same time.
Not in anger, but in honesty.
Say your peace, then let it go and be free of it. Good luck!

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by ossiblue

I would let your anger cool a bit, then calmly tell your uncle just how you feel, and why. Don't accuse, but let him know that the car meant a lot to you

Wise words^^^^

Don't know if you are into writing but maybe put your words down on paper and hold onto it for a few days, then mail it to him... or burn it.


Or buy this and offer to race for pinks:

1969 Chevrolet Chevelle 2 DOOR HARDTOP | eBay

[fastfredracing]

I am not salty about him getting it for pennies. He got it fair and square, and I understand there are many dynamics at play here.
He absolutely knows that I am a car guy, and that car meant something to me . Not getting at least first refusal , at any price point, is a kick in sack to me.
I think I am more hurt , than mad, but make no mistakes, I am mad.
I think I have to make the phone call. I'm going to cool off this weekend, and call him on Monday . I will do my best to not say anything that I will regret. I want to ask him what his motivations were. Am I not good enough? , do you like douche nozzle Billy better? Did I ever do something to you ?
I had always thought that he would pass it on to his own son, and I would be fine with that. Am I out of line in thinking that first refusal should be made to me ?
Family, phht.
Honestly, the damage is done, and no matter what he says, or happens from this point on, our relationship has changed forever .

[drcoastline]

Family sucks Fred. They are the first to F$$k you. Enjoy your new son he has your fathers blood. It's just a car.

[72doug2,2S]

Is this the guy?

Uncle Billy.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

...

Honestly, the damage is done, and no matter what he says, or happens from this point on, our relationship has changed forever .

First things first.....Congrats on the new arrival Fred! Best wishes to your expanded family !

Secondly, cool off, then make the call to your uncle and see where it goes imo. For "whatever" reason, your uncle did this, and only he knows why....find out. People make mistakes...give him a chance to explain, rectify, etc. and just maybe this can be mitigated.

In the meantime....hold that baby and smile, smile, smile

You're a good guy....

[Baz]

Congrats on your new baby Fred!

Only comment I can make is just about ALL families are dysfunctional.....at least to some degree.

I love my family members but gave up a long time ago any expectations of civility.

[Jrboulder]

Maybe he thought you didn't have any interest in the car because you never brought it up?

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

I had always thought that he would pass it on to his own son, and I would be fine with that. Am I out of line in thinking that first refusal should be made to me ?

Not at all! Common sense would be anything valuable (emotionally or financially) should be offered to the closest next of kin first (IMHO).

But as they say common sense is not all that common.

[fastfredracing]

Well, he is a smart successful guy, I have to believe that he is not naive enough to not know what this means to me .

[LakeCleElum]

Fred: Congrats on the birth. UR a lucky guy.

Regarding the car: there is a lot of missing information, some of which you might not have available to you.

Is he gonna give it to the cousin's husband, sell it cheap or sell for fair market value?
What was the relationship between all involved over the years? Was cousin more in contact than you? Did the cousin or husband have a stronger work ethic than you were viewed as having?

When I pass, I know of many that will come out of the woodwork wanting my cars, bikes, cabin, etc.....Some are deserving, most are not.....I will favor those that worked hard and made their own way thru life. Those that stayed in touch and thanked me for gifts I've sent over the years.

A lot of factors in these kind if decisions......I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. Just saying I could be "That Guy" someday...

[enzo1]

I wouldn't get sucked in to his drama...

[Scott Douglas]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

Well, he is a smart successful guy, I have to believe that he is not naive enough to not know what this means to me .

Don't assume anything.
There's really only one way to find out and if you've never told him, then, no, he doesn't know.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

Well, he is a smart successful guy, I have to believe that he is not naive enough to not know what this means to me .

Don't assume that Fred....talk to him. It might have never crossed his mind if you never talked to him about it..seriously! And if it's not a "done deal"... he might change course...

....and smile, smile, smile

edit....I meant to type ^^^^ This

didn't read Scott's post first...