Holidays, just another day?

[scottmandue]

I'm no scrooge, I loved the holidays as a kid, then as a adult I loved watching my brothers kids and living vicariously through them.
As time past and the kids were no longer kids however I attended holiday event out of respect for my mom and dad, they spent a big chunk of their life raising me so what is blowing a few hours exchanging a few gifts, sitting down for a meal and so on.

Fast forward to today...
My wife's parents are gone, her daughter is up north, just graduated college, has a new job so can't get away for the holidays. She and her daughter used to do holidays with her sister in Medford but they have had a falling out. So my wife is suffering with some holiday depression, which is pretty sucky for me.

As for me my parents are also gone, I'm not really close to my brother (only close relative to us) his kids now have kids and are busy,

So we are on our own for the holidays... honestly it doesn't bother me much...

All that to say my wife keeps sighing and saying "it is just another day" to mean she is sad about missing out on her traditions... I agree that it is just another day, but my family moved Christmas a few times to accommodate the schedules of kids, grand-kids, great grand-kids. So I don't feel nailed down to celebrating a specific day for this or that... like, do we really know what day we were born... did any of us plop out of the womb, grab a calendar, and put the date on our smart phone... no, we just believe what we are told and run with it.

And I don't want to rant about the social economic construct that capitalism is pushing these 'holidays' off on us for their profit.

However shouldn't we show our mom's we love them every day and not just on mothers day? Or show you significant other you love them more often than just on Valentines day. If you care about the homeless shouldn't you be helping feed them more than just on Thanksgiving.

Sorry just venting... if I go off on an existential ramble like this my wife just rolls her eyes and walks away.

Happy holidays guys and gals!

[rwest]

Can you find a group of other people through work, church or some other social group you belong to that can't get together with their families and have a big holiday celebration with them?

[Por_sha911]

Respectfully to those of differing belief, Christmas without a spiritual meaning is just a venture in hedonism (I am not using the word in a derogatory sense but rather that pleasure is a main goal). Eat, drink, give and get stuff because it is fun.
Meeting with others to share the eating, drinking, and getting stuff makes it a party. There is nothing wrong with parties and enjoying stuff. I certainly do.
We find greater pleasure when the family all come together but this is more of a enjoyment of the family rather than the holiday. With children around it seems easier to get into the mood because we have the joy of watching them revel in the stories and the stuff they get. The problem is that there is no deep rooted meaning... just the pleasure of the moment. We get that same feeling going to a ballgame or attending a reunion.

[Baz]

I agree with you Scott. I no longer have any enthusiasm for the holidays, other than putting up a few decorations at my house.

I don't see the value of artificially forcing family members together just because of a certain day of the year...unless they actually want to be together.

[look 171]

Scott, I don't know if this will help but I will tell you my story.

I grew up in a perfect household. Mom, a housewife, dad worked. They never argued or fought, well, never in front of us (younger sis and I). We never celebrate any holidays. No christmas, new year, Easter, nothing but we always have dinner at the dining table daily and on those special days as well. We went out for dinner often especially on our b days, always and we did that when my wife came along as well as my kids. Everyone is treated equal. Thankgiving, Christmas, we went home for a simple dinner. My wife isn't too close to her family even though I always push her to invite them to my folk's place but the answer is always, "No". so I let it go.

We did Christmas at the hospital last year, just had a simple lunch out in the eating area. Dad passed away 6 months ago, so we decided to take mom with us this year. Sis and her husband wanted to do their own thing. My wife wanted to do something bigger then normal, only because she thinks we should. I wanted something simple, like a simple meal at my house with mom. I always ask her why is it so important to do such a big thing on those days? She rolls her eye and walks away. Tell you the truth, I really dislike going to someone's house for those occasions. I want to have a quiet Christmas and keep my own traditional up. That is to go our for a simple meal on Christmas day at a Chinese restaurant. They are always open, and the food isn't bad. Beats the heck out of cleaning dishes and cooking. I am afraid to ask what my wife wants to do this Christmas.

[ckelly78z]

We just replaced our 20 year old Christmas tree with a new $800 8' tall one from Balsom Hill that is fully lighted, and easier to assemble/take down. We got it for half price ($399) today for Black Friday. This will make my wife happier, and make my life easier, so why not. I have noticed that she is listening to Christmas music, and watching Hallmark movies more often, so I believe that she is trying to fend off depression. We still do the whole family at our house bit, and don't really see that changing for a good time, but making sure to keep your wife happy is very important.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

The holidays are just days like any other. There’s nothing particularly special about them that you couldn’t do the same with on any other day - being kind to others, calling up some friends and family members, taking some time to just chill and relax some, etc. I like having a day where I don’t have to work (usually, private / side stuff never takes a day off no matter what the calendar says!) and just being able to relax. In the past those are my most fond holiday memories - the ones that involve doing nothing or nearly nothing. The WORST memories are those of pressure to run here, run there or do this or that. I have a heck of a lot less of that now and have deliberately set up my holiday agendas to involve few (very few!) select things. I think this year in particular will be pretty nice - I’ve got a lot more distance between me and those that have only served to stress me out in the past, even though I might care about them.

I think too many people try to make up for an entire year of being selfish, stressed-out, uptight and / or closed off to family and friends by cramming it into a single day or two. There’s a big source of stress. Simple and easy to avoid - just be a decent person and stay in touch with the people you care about throughout the year!

[RKDinOKC]

Have been going to my Nephew's for Thanksgiving for several years now. He has six kids a really like making a big dinner. There are always about 20 people there, various relatives and at least two people that couldn't have Thanksgiving with their family.

My Nephew's wife always makes it a fun event between dinner and dessert with something. This year we each had a card at our place at them table with a question to ask, like Do you go to bed early or last. Who was your favorite teacher and why Do you like to play outside or inside. What was your first car and what was your favorite car. It made it fun.

We do a similar GTG at my brother's for Easter and Christmas meals. And always have a couple of guest that can't be with their own families. Brother has 3 kids each with 6 kids and a couple of them are married as well. Christmas the kids dress up in costumes and do the Christmas Story. The kids love it. The Christmas GTG isn't a gift exchange, each family does their own before the GTG meal.

We always GTG for the 4th as well with a LOT more people. All the kids, their in-laws, and their in-law families, and everyone brings friends as well. We go to a family owned farm. During the day it's a big cookout. The older boys put together a fireworks display. They even play music, have narration, and fire them off with a sequencer like the big displays. The fireworks are shot off on the other side of a big pond, looks great!

[Por_sha911]

Does anyone do something to focus on the "thanks" in Thanksgiving (other "than thank you for passing the cranberry sauce")?

[jcommin]

Originally Posted by scottmandue

I'm no scrooge, I loved the holidays as a kid, then as a adult I loved watching my brothers kids and living vicariously through them.
As time past and the kids were no longer kids however I attended holiday event out of respect for my mom and dad, they spent a big chunk of their life raising me so what is blowing a few hours exchanging a few gifts, sitting down for a meal and so on.

Fast forward to today...
My wife's parents are gone, her daughter is up north, just graduated college, has a new job so can't get away for the holidays. She and her daughter used to do holidays with her sister in Medford but they have had a falling out. So my wife is suffering with some holiday depression, which is pretty sucky for me.

As for me my parents are also gone, I'm not really close to my brother (only close relative to us) his kids now have kids and are busy,

So we are on our own for the holidays... honestly it doesn't bother me much...

All that to say my wife keeps sighing and saying "it is just another day" to mean she is sad about missing out on her traditions... I agree that it is just another day, but my family moved Christmas a few times to accommodate the schedules of kids, grand-kids, great grand-kids. So I don't feel nailed down to celebrating a specific day for this or that... like, do we really know what day we were born... did any of us plop out of the womb, grab a calendar, and put the date on our smart phone... no, we just believe what we are told and run with it.

And I don't want to rant about the social economic construct that capitalism is pushing these 'holidays' off on us for their profit.

However shouldn't we show our mom's we love them every day and not just on mothers day? Or show you significant other you love them more often than just on Valentines day. If you care about the homeless shouldn't you be helping feed them more than just on Thanksgiving.

Sorry just venting... if I go off on an existential ramble like this my wife just rolls her eyes and walks away.

Happy holidays guys and gals!

I feel for you. My parents are gone, I'm divorced, one of my sons is in Cali, the other in Philly, my brother is traveling to see his children and grand children - the holiday has become just another day. What I did this year, is volunteer at a church handing out meals. Later, I went to my cousin's house to visit her and her mom. My aunt is 94. We had a small meal and talked. I also took the time to text and call those that are close to me and wished them a Happy Thanksgiving. It was a good day.

It isn't the event that I remember as a child but - but I made adjustments. IFirst time I volunteered - I will do that again.

[Tervuren]

A google translate on a Finish song:

Only two
Christmas presents
only two
I'd wish for

Just a small moment
to take a breather
and definitely
peace of mind

I only wish
for Christmas magic
I wish our hearts
would not worry for a while
and Christmas brings that hopeful moment

If only with
the mild night wind
Christmas would
bring once again some peace of mind
to this confused world of ours

Why should I
wish for gold
more unneeded
odds and ends

Would those bring that
moment of rest
which feels like
forgiveness

Feel free to make your own traditions and enjoyment based on your present situation.

[72doug2,2S]

Originally Posted by Por_sha911

Does anyone do something to focus on the "thanks" in Thanksgiving (other "than thank you for passing the cranberry sauce")?

Giving back always puts me in the Thanksgiving spirit, same for Christmas. Donate to feed a local family.

This Thanksgiving I read President George Washington's Thanksgiving proclamation it it's entirety between dinner and dessert.

Excerpt below

[72doug2,2S]

[Racerbvd]

I'm in the same boat, just another day, the thanks means less when you have lost close ones on the holidays.

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by rwest

Can you find a group of other people through work, church or some other social group you belong to that can't get together with their families and have a big holiday celebration with them?

This is only our second year as only a couple for the holidays so we are still trying to create a new holiday tradition, I'm okay with that but first my wife has to let go of her old 'traditions'

I have an old friend locally that I have know since elementary school that I still have dinner with at least once a month and both our families have been very close... I almost called him but felt weird like I was horning in on his family holiday.

We talked about helping out serving food at the local homeless shelter... but that plan fell through.

I'm okay shifting from family holidays to just the two of us... we are planing to do Christmas in Pasadena, do some art galleries, antique shops, museums...

[Jim Richards]

When our son was young, we used to have a multi-family (friends) celebration of Thanksgiving and Christmas. It was always terrific. For a number of years, we were in DC and our son was in CA. The holidays were a bit of a let down for us. Now, we're on the left coast and near our son & DIL. We just celebrated Thanksgiving with them at their house, along our DIL's family. It was terrific! Seeing the kitchen packed with family and everyone chattering was great. We're so happy to experience this kind of holiday celebration again.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by Jim Richards

When our son was young, we used to have a multi-family (friends) celebration of Thanksgiving and Christmas. It was always terrific. For a number of years, we were in DC and our son was in CA. The holidays were a bit of a let down for us. Now, we're on the left coast and near our son & DIL. We just celebrated Thanksgiving with them at their house, along our DIL's family. It was terrific! Seeing the kitchen packed with family and everyone chattering was great. We're so happy to experience this kind of holiday celebration again.

Well that is exactly right: Thursday was immediate family and the Old Dames, kids are in town so is all that matters.

Yesterday was friends of family and friends of the kids. The tradition the last 20 years has been to shoot skeet and other things, left over buffet (phenomenal - my wife loves to cook) and gabfest. The house was packed.

The weather was perfect. My best bud and I laughed out loud on how thankful for all this we are.

Life will change and it will get harder to pull this kind of holiday off - I'm just glad it wasn't this one.

[NY65912]

Perhaps doing some kind of volunteer work might help.

[scottmandue]

I actually really enjoyed having Thanksgiving at her sisters in Medford, typical winter weather. Her sis+hubby+their two daughters+my wife&her daughter+me.

Typical food (house smelled great) typical lounging in the living room after watching football.

Now before you all start with the "why don't you try to make peace" talk THAT is one hornets nest I'm not going to hit with a stick.

I'm more interested in the concept of setting aside "a day", if we were all told from the day we were born that June 17th was Thanksgiving would it make any difference?

[Jim Richards]

Our son is a doctor and sometimes his schedule makes celebrating the holidays a bit tricky. We're flexible and work with his schedule and his wife's family's schedule. It's never critical that the holiday is a specific day.