Ultimate Dumb Question Thread
 

I thought I would start a thread with some of the stupid questions that have been asked about our cars. My contribution is a Saudi Arabian Checkpoint Guard who insisted I pop the front hood so he could check the engine bay.

Me: "The engine is in the back"
Guard: "No you open"
Me: "OK but the engine is in the back"
Guard: "Hey where is the engine, you play tricks"
Me: "Its in the back"
Guard "Ok Ok you go"

That's rich.

Asked of my racecar with the fuel cell up front...
Numbnut: "Is that an electric car?!"

Asked of my 82 911 Turbo:
Clueless: "Is that one of them new Jah-poh-neez cars?"


Asked almost every trip to the racectrack of the racecar:

Wide-eyes: "How fast does it go?"
Me: "Oh... 185-190 depending on the wind." (I've just been making it up for several years now. Each time I'm asked I just add 5mph from the last time I said it. I'm up to 220MPH now.

what kinda car is that??

asked by a guy who had to be living in his basement for the last 50 years and had just popped out

Regarding my 911T: Does the "T" mean "Turbo?"

in my garage (apt. bldg):

"you guys putting nitrous in that thing?"

-Noah was helping me install the MSD :D

Dyslexic Guy in parking lot:

"What model of Pontiac is that ?"

Gee neat looking car - can I drive it? :D

I have a dual out muffler system on my 85 carrera. With both pipes the car sets off car alarms, and my wife's nerves so I built a small cap that fits over one of the outlets- it is just a cap that bolts on with a single bolt through the cap and pipe. It really takes the low rumble out of the car, and on the dyno costs 2-4hp- not much on the street. I didn't even think anyone would notice it, but every time I park it someone asks me what it is. When I try to explain it I got dumb stares so now I just tell people it is an aerodynamic fin that holds the rear end of the car down at over 120mph. Everyone now nods, and says "I see". I even had one guy tell his wife that is what he thought it was.
Have Fun.
Gary

"what's a cool collar..??"
ryan

Dude: What sort of gas mileage do you get in that thing?
Me: Well that's not really why I bought it
Dude: That's what I thought - laughing
Me: Well, actually on the way from Chicago where I bought it - I averaged around 27 miles per gallon on the freeway and that was averaging over 80 miles an hour...
Dude: stops laughing - no *****?

Guy standing in a parking lot looking at my decklid with the 911SC emblem on it:

"Is that a 911?"

Another guy in a parking lot:

"What does it do in the quarter-mile?"

A friend looking at my brand new Khumos delivered shaved and heat-cycled from the Tire Rack:

"How long did it take you to wear out those tires?"

Border Guard: Pop the trunk.
Me: Uh, OK.
Border Guard: OK, pop the hood.
Me: Pop
Border Guard: Could you please unlatch the hood (couldn't figure it out apparently).

Smog Nazi: Pop the hood.
Me: OK.
Smog Nazi: Where's the motor?
Me: In the back.
Smog Nazi: Uh, OK, pop the trunk.
Me: OK.
Smog Nazi: Where is the battery?
Me: In the front
Smog Nazi: Would you mind popping the hood again.
Me: Not at all.

:cool:

"You're not going to actually drive that to work, are you?" If I wanted a dust collector I'd get myself a scale model.

Kid in a parking lot - "You should put some 22's on that thing."
Me - "Really?"
Kids friend - "Yeah. That'd be ill!"

Anybody got any 22's for sale? I wanna be ill...

When I had my Guards Red 944 with polsihed Phonies:

Kid - Nice car Mister, it's fast, huh?
Me - Nah, not really
Kid - I bet it's REALLY fast
Me - Nah, It's actually one of the slower cars Porsche ever made
Kid - Sure looks fast to me

(Thinking 'WTF?! It "looks" fast?)

Postscript: I now realize that if it is red, the wheels are shiny and it says "Porsche" on it? To most "regular people" out there - you are driving the world's fastest car:D

"what kind of vw is that?"

I was towing my race car to the track and when I drove up to the toll booth the attendant asked if the car behind us was with us. We probably could've driven through without paying for the trailer if we weren't laughing so hard!!
Steve

Kid working the drive-thru window "Whay kind of car IS that?"
Me "It's a Porsche, made in Germany."
Kid "How were you able to get it over here, did you have to move the steering wheel over to the left side?"

Are you sure they didnt say "sick"

"Ill" is the new "sick"
sick is no longer cool:/

And the punchline goes......

Hey Meester, I finished painting the porch, but that was no porch, that was a mercedes.

" Are you sure that hood will support both of us? "

"That thing got a billet intake ?"

nah, I just made that up ;)

Some of the younger guys on the Tiburon forums I get on use the term 'sick' for everything... it's not 'cool' any more, it's sick.

So I proposed the next step in that path... '$hitty'. $hitty will take over for 'sick' in the near future.

So you'll be cruising in your fine, shiny Porsche, and some dumb kid will say "DAMN!! That car is $HITTY!!" and you'll know to take it as a compliment.

From Super......Neat......Groovy......Cool.....Sick.... .Ill, now (Gulp) $hitty?

I think I'm going to be...well.....Ill(?)

P.S. I'm pretty sure I missed a few in there. Oh well, sucks to be old!:D

Noah, I assume the unspoken last line of your second story is "No ticket"?

Okay, this one kind of annoyed me. Asked by an employee at Big O Tires:

Employee: Dad's car?
Me: No... mine
Employee: Is that a Fatboy?
Me: No it's called a Widebody.
Employee: Same thing.

I get the "is that a BRAND NEW 2005 model???" all the time as well.

What year is your Mitsubishi Eclipse?

I was in the parking lot of a safeway with my 79 sc and this guy walks up and says;
him: wow an sc that thing must be a blast to drive sice its supercharged
me: oh its not supercharged sc stands for super carrera
him: oh well do you take it out to the street races ever?
me:?

"Ill" is in and "sick" is out? Oh crap Im feelling $hitty! Im still using "freakin" as an adjective... my alltime worst hated to hear was "thats ssswwweeeeeetttt"
OK back on track here for dumb questions
Them... thats a cute car ... what is it? ( looking at my 77 911)
me.... a 77 porsche 911
them... Oh .... I never heard of those before....
me,,(thinking they didnt understand me) its a PORSCHE .
them.... nope never heard of such a car
me... ( walking away shaking my head in disbelief)

Approaching the 911 on a restaurant parking lot, I see a group of old ladies getting out of their Crown Vic.

1st old lady: What kind of car IS that?
2nd old lady, walking around the back: It's a..... Camera???
Me: It's a Carrera
1st old lady: What the Hell is that?
Me: It's a Porsche.
2nd old lady: Then why does it say "Camera" on the back?
Me: Just kidding, it's a Camero. Bye.

Here's one I get all the time when people first see my 25 year old 911 (that I bought for $8k):
Wow, did you hit the lottery or something?

The irony is they are usually driving a $45k SUV or something.

I get similar stuff too, sammy. I explain that the price of this car was the same as a new Hundai. Of course I don't mention the price of the other new Hundai I've since spent on it.

"Vinyl? Porsche uses vinyl?" Well, yeah

Or, my father in law the first time he get's in my non-sunroof, disconected A/C, crank windows, 72 with sport muffler. "Ah Luxury cars"
My response, LOL "Luxury? This car is basically a street legal race car."

Cubicle mate "Porsh"
Me "It's really pronounced Porsche"
Cubicle mate "Tom Cruse called it a Porsh in 'Risky Business', so that's what its called in this country"

Ex wife: That's funny, for that much money you would think it would ride nicer.

pulled over for speeding... 150km/h in a 110km zone
officer: why were you going so fast?
me: because I didn't see you.
officer: (laughing) funniest thing I have heard all day. I'll let you off with a warning

My lucky day

J
82 911 SC
92 325 i

I was working under my car in my garage with the garage door open one beautiful fall weekend morning. I had just finished adjusting the valves and was starting to put the exhaust valve covers back on when two people walked up to the car. I was on my creeper under the car, but I could see two pairs of neatly pressed black pants from the knee down.

"Hello, sir." said one pair of pants.

I rolled my creeper out and verified my suspicion -- Jehovah's Witnesses.

Me: Hi guys. What can I do for you?
JH1: I see you're working on your car. How many miles have you got on it?
Me: Lots. What can I do for you?
JH1: Wouldn't it be great if would last forever?
Me: Sure. What do you want?
JH1: Well, what if we told you there was a way that you could assure yourself a place in heaven for all eternity?
Me: Well guys, I'm really not shopping around for a new religion right now, and I'm kind of busy.
JH2: You can't spare a few minutes to assure your place in eternity?
Me: Maybe some other time, but I'm kinda busy putting my car back together right now. [rolls creeper back under car]
JH1: We'd like to leave you a copy of an informative booklet to read when you have more time.
Me: Can one of you guys please hand me that 13mm socket ?
JH1: We'll just leave it right here on the bumper.
Me: Can you just hand me a 13mm socket?
JH2: It's on your bumper.
Me: The socket?
JH2: No, The Watchtower.
Me: [rolling out, finding and picking up the 13mm socket] Guys, THIS is a 13mm socket.
[long pause, blank quizzical stares all around]
Me: Ah. I can see you're as interested in mechanics as I am in religion. Happy hunting, dudes.

I finished putting on the lower valve covers and rolled out again and they were gone. And evidently they decided not to leave me a copy of The Watchtower after all, but alas, neither did they take my copy of the Bosch Automotive Handbook.

I remain concerned for their immortal souls.

Ed

Not to worry. I got it from someone in the know that God drive a Porsche too. And he turns his own wrenches. Still having a little trouble getting the injectors set just right though.

That is the funniest comment so far.. haha