Funny Porsche Stories; got any?

[ErVikingo]

We've all had funny moments with our cars, I'll share a couple of mine; how about yours?

#1; Driving my car to a track event, exhaust at full blast a Boxster starts to chase me and flash his lights. I think, hum I can show this guy a thing or two I can do with my car, thats only a Boxster and my car is much faster, yada yada yada

When I stop a red light, the guy comes to my side and says: "very nice car, did you know your taillights don't work and your tail pipe fell of a mile back almost hitting my new car". Oops, so much for that...


#2; driving down the "cool part of town" in my recently painted, incredibly polished and tricked out SC. I feel like a million bucks then, right in front of the hippiest place with the largest crowd my clutch cable breaks, the car launches forward, I have to get all sideways to control it. Had to push it to the side and find a public phone to call a flat bed. Need I say more........

Lessons learned:

1. speak softly and carry a big stick
2. hard to be humble when you drive the best (yep, it is an old BMW motorcycle line but it applies)

[widebody911]

* The day I bought my current 911, I was driving down Marconi just north of Easter (Sacramento) at a good clip. I passed a McDonalds, and noticed a CHP just pulling away from the drive-thru. Ooops. I slowed down, and of course he pulls up behind me. He follows me for a couple of miles (mixed residential/commerical area), and even turned at the same time I did onto Watt. At the next light, he pulls up next to me and rolls down his window and motions for me to do the same, and sez:
chp: "Why don't you try doing the speed limit when there's *NOT* a cop behind you?"
me: "Yes sir!"
chp: "Nice car - how fast does it go?"
me: "I have no idea" (which was true, because it had been in my posession for all of 2 hours!)
chp: "Good answer! Slow down!"

[Sarah]

OK now...your post totally made me laugh!! I do not have any good porsche stories like that yet because we have had ours for less than a year.

But...here is a "flash back" to when I was 19 and got my first car (which I like to refer to as the stinky-little neon green hatch-back purchase regret). All of these incidents happened in the same year:

Hood flew-up while driving on the freeway and could barely see to get pulled over to the shoulder without hitting anyone.

On the way to college at about 7:30 am, an older grouchy cop pulls me over to say I almost cut him off for not yielding long enough...don't know how I could have cut him off...the car had no pick-up. He yelled at me for about 15 minutes and then let me go. Was late for class.

Another morning, on the way to college and a younger cop pulls me over to say my muffler was hanging off. When I came to a stop...it completely fell off...thus I was late for class again.

OK...last one but best one...It was winter and cold out. Was out with a friend on a weekend night and just pulled out of a club parking lot (and no ...we were not drunk!!). Defrost did not work very well and my friend kept scraping the windows but the frost kept coming back. We were not more than 3 blocks away and a police car siren goes off. Yep...pulled over again. The police officer asks for my license and for me to step out and to the back of the car. I say OK. He asked me all these questions...which I gladly answered. Then said can you say the alphabet for me?? I looked at him like....what??..of course I can. Then he BSed a bit and said now make sure your windows are completely clear before you pull away. My friend was laughing his-butt off the whole time in the front seat. And...due to my young and very naive self...it was not until several years later that I realized he put me through field sobriety tests!!

It is very humbling for me to think back on that...not to mention what a relief it was for a friend to haul it away for $50.

Lessons learned:

* Never buy the first car you look at just because you are mad at a sister and do not want to ride to school with her anymore.

* The experiences came in handy later when I decided to go into law enforcement (8 years but made a "stress reduction" career change)

OK....sorry to babble on....hopefully I'll (or my husband) will have a funny porsche story in the future!

[Paul Valcourt]

Again another story not entirely Porsche related. Years back my mother had a VW beetle that my brothers and I used to borrow and drive it like it was a Porsche. One day with my older brother driving and me as co-pilot we were off to the races (at least in our minds). We picked up a hitch-hiker on the way to town and I am sure he was sorry he got in as my brother was demonstrating his driving skills as we continued our journey. Rounding a curve entering onto a wooden bridge the VW failed to stay on the gravel road (as the gravel was like ball bearings), went through the guard rail and got hung up by the front suspension on a 6 X 12 sticking out from under the bridge. The VW was hanging (motor down) about 12 feet above the water on the side of this bridge and the only way out was through the windshield opening as it flew out on impact. The hitch hiker got out and ran without looking back or saying a word (not even a thankyou for the ride). I'm sure he probably had second thoughts about hitch hiking after that.

[911boost]

I would like to think I have gotten older and wiser...I will keep it short.

ALWAYS make sure you really tighten down on the bolts holding the brake master cylinder to the car. If you don't the master cylinder torques to one side and tears the brake line right out of it. Ask me how I know and how many red lights I had to run beofre the frantic downshifting and using the emergency brake finally got the car slowed down enough to stop. Its real funny now, but at the time I think I had to change my pants......

And this was in my old Mustang, like I said I take my time now when working on anything, especially the Carrera...

Bill

[JEB]

I have two:

The first time I went for a real ride after I owned the car - I cruise up to a stop light and put it in neutral. I think I look real cool and am looking around to see if anyone is looking. The light turns green - catching me unaware. Being new to the 915 gear box try to stuff it in first and it won't go - so I move the know and feel it engage - let the clutch out and nearly back into the car behind me - oops.

The second: I was on my way to the beach - with my wife following me in her van. Naturally, we get lost in downtown Philly looking for the BF Bridge (I always miss it). I pull over and look for the atlas - oops - put it in the trunk. I pop the hood (which has bad struts) and figure out where we are. I get back in and merge into traffic. About 25 MPH the hood flies up and I can't see a damn thing. Luckly, I was able to pull to the shoulder without incident - but my wife and my son thought it was pretty funny. Scared the ***** out of me.

Jeb
'79 930

[jeff91C2T]

My car broke down on the highway while heading to an autocross once. There were some friends behind me so we all pulled over. The car was acting like the fuel pumps were shutting off so we were all under the hood looking at the fuse panel trying to find the right relay.

My smart a$$ girlfriend told us the engine was in the back, not the front. Must have looked pretty funny....Porsche broke down on the side of the road and a bunch of guys under the wrong hood. Wish I would have taken a picture...

[Oldporsche]

Around 30 yrs ago, I was stationed in Germany. While visiting some german friends in Stuttgardt, I was introduced to Gisela Pietch. She asked if I would like to visit the "factory". I politely thanked her explaining that I was a "corvette" kind of guy. (At the time)

If only I had known who she really was.

Good luck,
David Duffield

[Patronus]

Once, when I was a student, we were at a party that suddenly dried up. So we decided to move to a better party, in a different part of town. I didn't know the area very well, so I had to follow a bunch of half-drunk students bundled into a 1300 VW Beetle. They went over an amber light, and I had to stop. In the distance I saw them slowly disappearing, along with my only hope of ever finding my way to the party.
When the light finally turned green, I flew away and tried to catch them. Easy with a '74 2.7S.
The Beetle turned right into a 90 degree bend, without even braking. It seemed pretty impressive to me, as it was doing about 40mph. So I reckoned I could do it at 60.

When I was already in the bend, I realized with horror that I will never be able get through this bend at 60 mph, not even at 40. I totally lost control of my car and spun onto someone's lawn. I frantically negotiated everything from a fish pond to a little fountain right in the middle of the lawn.

When I finally got back onto the road, I had to brake even harder, for the Beetle (now with wide-eyed passengers trying to get away from the back seat) was only a few metres from me, in the road, doing about 5 mph, still going around the bend.

It turned out that the Beetle had no brake lights...

[silverc4s]

I apologize in advance for the LONG story, but I was reminded while reading above from Widebody911...
The time is about 10 or so years ago, and I was living in Silicon Valley. We are going sailing on a Saturday morning, out of Sausalito, a looooong drive from San Jose area, through downtown San Francisco, as I had to pick up my boss in Santa Clara area on the way as well. We are running late, the guys with the boat are waiting for us - not too patiently the last time I spoke to them.
So, I am in my cute little 1969 Silver targa, top off, in our sailing duds, zipping in and out of traffic going north on 101 just coming into SF, trying despeately to get through all the damn Sat AM traffic (shoppers, tourists, etc.) and get over the Golden gate Bridge asap.

Well, I managed to ZIP by a CHP buried in a middle lane at the speed limit - He was going the speed limit, that is, I probably had 20+ mph on him as I went past. (I know it sounds like it - but this is NOT widebody911's story)
I hastily pulled into a slow moving lane (the speed limit - 55, that would be) and tried to be invisible, fat chance in a silver 911 all sharp and shiny on a sunny CA morning. Watching in my RV mirror, without turning my head, I could see the CHP pull out and start to catch up to us, a little at a time. Glancing around, I can see all eyes are on us, and my boss is saying, like; "Bill, we are NOT going to get stopped now, are we?"
So, the CHP finally gets right beside me, I can see the car in my periphial vision, still refusing to turn my head and ack my guilt.

Suddenly I can hear his VERY LOUD voice, over the patrol car's built in BULLHORN saying, "GOING PRETTY FAST BACK THERE WEREN'T WE???"

I nod my head big time in the affirmative, and he says "YOU ARE GOING TO SLOW IT DOWN FROM HERE ON OUT, RIGHT??/"

I nod affirmative again, and he says "SEE THAT YOU DO" and tools on ahead at a leisurely pace....

We were a bit late, but had no ticket that day. Got lots of self satisfied smirks from the surrounding (non-Porsche) proletariat for a mile or so, too. I always thought of that Chippy as a pretty good guy, he could have made my day a LOT worse...

[RarlyL8]

I posted this story some time ago on a similar thread, it's one we can all relate to.

Under the 911 removing the starter. Jacked up in the rear only, legs protruding from the bumper. Got the trusty trouble light hanging from something on the bottom of the car trying to bear-hug the tranny to get at that 10mm bolt.
My hand hits something filthy and dirt rains down on my face.
I move the other hand in responce and hit the trouble light.
Trouble light falls down and burns me.
I jump up and SLAM my face into the bottom of the tranny, bounce off and SLAM the back of my head into the concrete floor.
I just lay there stunned. Then start laughing, the three stooges couldn't have done it better.
Wife just happens to enter the garage in time to hear my head crack the concrete. She sais "what was that?"
In my best Jeff Spicolli voice I respond "my skull!"

I wore a black eye and cheek for a week but the car got a new starter.

[Kurt B]

Great stories! I just LOVE these car stories. Keep em comin!

[Sarah]

All of these are so funny!!! I hope people keep adding their stories!!

[Jim Richards]

The very first weekend after buying my 993, I decided to wash and wax it. Just as soon as I finish and while I'm standing in my driveway totally admiring it, a crow flies overhead and poops on it. Just remember Jim, stay humble...

Jim
1995 Black 993 Coupe

[LeeH]

While in high school I was shopping for a GTO. I went to look at a '67 that was close to my house. I knew it was too expensive, but couldn't resist a look since it was close. The guy invited me to take it for a drive. OK...twist my 17 year old arm. Off we go.

I'm driving way too fast (70-80 mph on a four lane near businesses), enjoying the torque. Traffic is too heavy, and I make some agressive moves to pass some slow cars. I noticed my passenger is looking pretty uncomfortable. "Wimp," I think. A short while later as we're pulling back in the parking lot of his apartment building, he states out of the blue, "I've always liked fast cars... that one's mine too." I'm searching for something fast and my heart sinks, skips a beat, and almost stops when I realize he's pointing to the Georgia State Patrol cruiser parked in the lot. I honestly had trouble standing up when I got out of the GTO. He never said a thing about my driving. I'm guessing he knew he had made his point when he showed me his "other" car.

[Superman]

This is a joke, rather than a story, and it is reprinted by me from a post made many months ago by Alan Broadribb:

A bright red Porsche 911 pulls up beside a new Rolls Royce convertible stopped at a traffic light. The Porsche window goes down and the driver says "you got a jacuzzi in that thing?". The lights change and the 911 roars off without waiting for a reply, the owner of the Rolls drives back to the dealership and asks about the jacuzzi option.

Some time later the Rolls owner is driving around town looking for the bright red 911 which he finds in the back of a parking lot with the windows all steamed up. He hammers on the roof with his fist and eventually one of the windows winds down a couple of inches. The Rolls owner says "yeah, I do have a jacuzzi in my car". The Porsche owner replies "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?"

[k9handler]

* Have the car up on jack stands in the driveway, all wheels off while I start cleaning the suspension. I slide under the car to take a look and when I slide back out, my pants catch on the jack stand release lever and down comes the car. So I start with a perfectly fine running car and end up with my 911 pancaked on the driveway so low that I cant even get a jack under it anywhere! Not going to go into the details of how I raised it off the ground.

[bell]

so this porsche walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder..........................

[Rich L]

One night I was driving on a busy road and my 911 stalled. I managed to push the car off to the shoulder to examine the problem. I popped the engine lid and had to use my head to prop it open (darn Porsche struts). After several minutes of poking hoses and checking fuses, I noticed an old man had pulled up behind me in a beat up pick-up truck. I thought to myself, here's someone who may be able to help. I explained to him what happened as he looked around the engine compartment. After several minutes, he said "I'll be right back, I'm going to get something from my truck." Well he did. He brought back a 2x4 piece of lumber to prop the engine lid and then climbed back into his truck and took off. I started laughing out loud as it somehow eased the misery of the night.

[Doug E]

This one is kinda tame but the only one I have since I am still in my first year of 911 ownership...

after giving the PO the cash to complete the purchase, I jump in my "new" car and pull out onto the street with my wife and son behind me in the mini-van. I roll up to the first light and with the car in neutral I am blipping the gas pedal and getting goosebumps listening to the flat 6 sing. Light turns green and having no experience with the 915/gas pedal combo I proceed to stall the car but the intersection is on a downhill so the car begins to slowly roll forward. While this is happening I experience my first P-Car brain lock and can't remember how to restart it b/c all I am thinking is that I just managed to blow my engine in 5 minutes of ownership. Meanwhile all the cars behind me, wife included, are on the horn and slowly rolling behind me. Just as the light was turning from yellow to red I managed to collect myself and get started. After calming down I must have driven those first few miles at about 25 mph.

Luckily we had a 2 hour drive home so I had plenty of time to think up excuses for the wife but to this day I have yet to live it down.