For t;he "Engineer" types

[Special K]

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says: "Ah, you're an engineer, but you worked for a high-tech startup company and got rich. You've had too good of a life, So now you can't come in here."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer is dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.

After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators. The computers are all upgraded and there are speaker wires running to every room. Even the clocks on the VCRs are set. The engineer becomes a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls up Satan on the telephone and says with a sneer,
"So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators. The computers are faster than ever and we've got music in every room. There's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there! Send him back up here, now."

Satan shouts back, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right... and just where
are YOU going to find a lawyer?"

[JP Noonan]

...meanwhile we have two IT guys that arrive at 10:00 leave at 4:00, and the server is still down, "...because it it the university server that is messing things up."

I won't even start about the in house web master who sends images out to be "cropped".

I like the one about the three engineers in a rental car that breaks down.


First engineer (M.E) :
"well it must be that the engine lost compression, I say we first do a leak down test and then....

Second engineer (E.E.)
"Well it is obviously a fuel injection problem, lets hook up the osscsiscope and ..."

The third engineer (Microsoft Engineer):
"Well, first shut off the motor. Then close all the windows. Then it should start right back up...."

[CoolTool]

Also ....one for the inventors out there !

Arthur Davidson, of Harley-Davidson, dies and goes to Heaven. When he got there, he was greeted by St.Peter. St.Peter says"Since
you were such a great inventor, you get to pick anyone in heaven that you want to spend the rest of Eternity with."
After a while,Arthur decided to spend eternity with God. St.Peter led him to God.
After talking and getting aquainted, Arthur says to God, "So you are the inventor of the woman" God replies"Yes I am." Arthur says"Well, from one inventor to another, you have some flaws in your invention........
#1 they chatter constantly at high speeds, #2 the rearends are too loose,
#3 there is no consistency in the front ends, and
#4 the intake is WAY too close to the exhaust!"
God punches in a few numbers on the Holy Computer and replies to Arthur, "You are exactly right, but according to these numbers, there are more people riding my invention that yours!"

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See my 914 project at
www.pelicanparts.com/gallery/CoolTool

[prattrc]

I used to ask my engineer buddies in college if they had to buy their own striped denim hat or if it was provided.

[morgan]

My Matrix Algebra prof. told this one to the class on the first day.

There is a Mathematician,a Physicist and an engineer in line for the guilitine. The physicist is up first.
executioner asks "any special last requests?"
physicist:"i've never prayed before but I'll try anything to get out of this" so he says a little prayer and when the executioner drops the blade, it stops just above the physicist's neck, so he's saved and set free
Next is the Mathematician
executioner asks "any special last requests?"
Mathematician:"God is a Mathematician so if a prayer worked for the physicist, it has to work for me" so he says a little prayer and again the guilitine stops right before his neck when its dropped.
Now, the engineer's turn
executioner asks "any special last requests?"
Engineer thinks about it, "yes!, i would like to be put in the guilitine facing up"
The executioner says "that's kind of a strange request but sure, if that's what you want."
So the engineer is in the guilitine facing up and the executioner is just about to drop the blade and the engineer says "Wait Wait, I think I see your problem"