[jhynesrockmtn]

When my ex wife and I amicably split the kids were 14 and 16. We were going to stay together until they were in college, blah, blah but our therapist advised different. She said if we handled it well, they would be fine and better off than if we drop this on them when they were out of the house in college.

I realize this isn't a divorce but some of her advice may help. Our biggest concern in all of this was how it would impact them. She said they would be fine if we did or didn't do the following;

1) Don't change their living situation on top of the divorce change, etc. I left them in the family home, in their schools and I moved within walking distance. The kids and dogs went back and forth each week.

2) Don't use them as weapons in any kind of dispute we had or get them involved in our relationship issues. Wasn't an problem.

3) Do take care ourselves. Especially with respect to mental health, addiction issues, etc. We needed to stay healthy and happy. For the most part that ended fine. Their Mom did go a bit off of the rails at times but nothing too drastic.

The divorce part isn't in the mix and I assume any change you decide on, you and your wife will be on the same page.

Kids are generally resilient. If you provide stability in other areas, they will survive a move. If you have particular concerns about one of them (sounds like maybe your son) consult a professional and walk through the situation with them. Talk anything through with the kids. They aren't the decision makers but treat them like part of the team and let them know you value their input and anything you do is with their long term best interest at heart.

I think parents too often bend over backwards trying to protect the kids and forget about taking care of themselves and their relationships as adults. Happy well adjusted parents produce successful adults.

Mine are now 28 and 26. Both well adjusted and successful adults. The younger one married with a baby. The other will be married next May. They both are with solid people. I would consider a divorce at their ages a bigger curve ball than a move but everyone is different. You know your kids best. Good luck!