[fanaudical]

"The problem with getting older is that I thought it would take longer."

I don't know who said that first or where I first heard it, but it seems to be my mantra this past year. I've been feeling "lost" for a bit: Disgruntled with work, not getting to do the things I enjoy because of other commitments I've made, not exercising and feeling run-down - and then my father passed away on Friday.

This wasn't wholly unexpected. His health was failing and he was much more ill than he or is doctors understood. He passed away quietly after a week in the hospital for heart failure.

My mom and dad split when I was ~14 - long story there but I did keep in touch with him, but he was never really "dad" to me. He was always working far from home and rarely there when I needed him. He had a sit-down talk with my brother and I a couple years ago when he had another health scare so that he could say some things he wanted to and clear some guilt. I listened politely, but his remembrance of history was way off the mark from what really happened.

His wife (his high-school sweetheart - one of the reasons he was never home) is bat$hit crazy and I'm working on arrangements for his memorial service. I'm looking for photos of him with me and my family and can't find a single one. How does one lose ~25 years like that?

He wasn't a religious man and his memorial service will be short with some people recounting fond memories. His wife asked me to officiate. I'll be MC, but I politely declined to share a memory because (as I told her) "I honestly don't know where to start".

Anyway, I'm just venting this morning. The memorial service will be done in a couple weeks and I'll move on without trouble. The other stuff that has me down is all self-inflicted and I just need to change it.

For the rest of you - Don't wait - go make it a great day...