[dd74]

FADE IN:

INT. NY CAB - North on Broadway - Day

The Cab driver is Korean with a thick Korean accent. He's driving the daylights out of his Crown Vic. w/ engine RACING, brakes SQUEALING. Think opening of "RESERVOIR DOGS" or car chase in "TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A."

I'm in back, tossed and tossled, and wishing I had rosary beads...

CABBIE (driving agressively): So, where you from?

ME (hand gripping armrest): California...L.A.

CABBIE (driving agressively): California? HA-HA-HA-HA. You stupid state, that California. HA-HA-HA-HA. What you got as Governor?

ME (hand gripping armrest): Schwarzenneger?

CABBIE (driving agressively): Yeah! What with that? He actor! Why you elect actor as governor? He boom-boom bad actor!

ME (hand really gripping armrest): He was the only choice we had.

CABBIE (BRAKING agressively; nearly sideswipes UPS TRUCK): You got BAD choice! Hear me? Bad choice. He ACTOR! Whole world laugh at you. HA-HA-HA-HA!

ME (DUCKING down): He'll get rid of the car tax.

CABBIE (ACCELERATING TO 70+): Your car tax bad! Your state bad! I got friends in Van Nuys. Van Nuys bad!

ME (lurching, feeling life slip away): Van Nuys...not...bad...

CABBIE (BRAKING aggressively): All Los Angeles bad! You got bum! You got...who dat guy? Rodney King? You got dat freak...where...Jackson...HA! Look like Joker! You know Joker?

ME (in tears): I know the Joker?

CABBIE (still aggressive): Who?

ME (wishing for "Mommy"): The Joker. I know who the Joker is.

CABBIE (swerve, brake, WOT - HARD) And you got bad drivers! Real bad drivers! Not good like here! Good drivers here! I drive here 22 year!

ME (in hysterics): Bad drivers? There?

CABBIE (PEDAL DOWN HARD: Crown Vic bucking): And bad registration fee. All bad! Here we got bad property tax. I live in Queens! Pay 8 thousand a year! Hate Gulliani! I hate Bloomberg! He no take mayor salary! Who care? Who care? He billionaire, right? I hate Pataki, too! He reason for bad property tax! I pay 8 thousand every year, like I say!

ME (gripping myself desperately): We have sunshine!

CABBIE (ACCELERATING): HA-HA-HA-HA!

ME (looking out back window in shock): That's my stop!

CABBIE (STILL ACCELERATING): HA-HA-HA-HA!

FADE OUT.