[wdfifteen]

I started to write this earlier in the week but didn’t get to post it – let’s just say some things came up:

The night before last MrsWD stopped smoking.

By morning she had come to the realization that I am the spawn of satan and the dogs are my evil minions. By mid-morning our wicked cabal was joined by the furniture, the refrigerator, the TV, and the front door - all conspiring to make her life miserable because they are in the way, are too noisy, or just annoy her by their very existence.
That first day there was a lot of “Yes, of course dear,” from me as I kept my head down and tried to deflect her rage away from the dogs and the furniture. I confessed my responsibility for just about every evil in the world from stink bugs (they’re bad again this year) to the high price of hair coloring.
To make matters worse, she woke up on day two with a toothache. I suggested that her teeth may hurt from grinding them together as a reaction to not smoking. I learned very quickly that I am no damn dentist and she is doing just fine with her damn smoking program, thank you very much. She called her angel of a friend to take her to the real damn dentist because, of course, I would probably run the car head-on into a semi and then drive it over a cliff while the dogs laughed just to piss her off.
While the dogs and I were at home plotting our next evil scheme to destroy her life (actually, pooping in the back yard – the dogs not me), the real damn dentist was telling her her tooth was really bad and she needed a root canal. She should have listen to my diagnosis, but as she said I’m no damn dentist.
She arrived home four hours later in even more of a foul mood. It seems her angel friend and the real damn dentist have joined our evil cabal and our plots against her, along with every driver on the road and, well, pretty much the entirety of Western Civilization.
I haven’t slept in bed with her for two nights now because she thinks I breathe too much. It keeps her awake.
I’m sure things will get better as her new non-smoking self makes peace with furniture and mammals that breathe – right? Please - right?