[legion]

So my post in the F1 thread got me thinking...

I feel like introverts are misunderstood. I feel like we're in the minority in society. Because of the way we function, we are often taken as rude or socially awkward (and we can be).

For me, being an introvert means that I "recharge" in my alone time, and I need a lot of it to function. I become stressed out when I don't have enough alone, quiet time. For the past two years, I've sat in a large, noisy conference room at work. My stress levels have risen steadily to the point that I am actively seeking another position. Prior to this, I had a cubicle in a quiet corner, and had virtually no stress from work. When I have quiet, I can get into "the zone" and maintain very high productivity for hours. I can get done about 4 times the work of coworkers when I'm in the zone. I leave work feeling fresh and accomplished. When I'm in a noisy environment, I'm constantly distracted from what I'm doing, find myself reading the same sentence for 30 minutes and making frequent mistakes. My frustration with myself and the environment steadily increase over time. Being on lockdown, my stress levels have dropped to near zero as I'm back in a quiet work environment.

After work, I usually go to the gym and have a quiet, two hour workout. It's not unusual for me not to speak to another person the entire time I'm at the gym. I'll usually throw on an hour-long drama while I spend the first hour doing cardio and just get absorbed in the story while I forget about myself for awhile.

Socially, I've realized some things about myself. Namely, I'm not a social person. The last time I had a birthday party was when I was 13. I don't even tell other people when my birthday is because I don't really want to be bothered all day about it. In college, I realized that I liked staying in and hanging out with my roommates more than going out to bars. I check Facebook like once a month, and honestly read like 5 posts before I'm done. I don't have any close friends. Part of it is that I don't trust other people, and part of it is that that I seem to like other people less the more I know about them. If for some reason I find myself at a party, I'm probably going to find a quiet corner to pass the time until I can leave.

In my 20's, I used to find myself backing out of social engagements last minute sometimes. Even things I'd been looking forward to for weeks or months and made preparations to do, I'd just decide not to go to at the last minute. I've come to realize that I can simulate being social and being and extrovert, but it takes a lot of energy out of me and I need some extra alone time to recharge if I do it. I now understand that I'd back away from social engagements (and make an excuse about suddenly being sick or something to cover if I had to) because I'd just run out of energy for being social. I don't have social anxiety, it's just something I don't enjoy and have a limited capacity for. I also don't go to concerts, bars, or big sporting events (with the occasional exception for racing) as I just don't like crowds and paying a lot of money to be in a large crowd is a double negative as far as I'm concerned.

I know I've rudely bailed on people or made transparently lame excuses in the past. I know that some people have taken offense. It honestly doesn't bother me much. It's not that I want to hurt other people's feelings, but sometimes its the only way to stop the repeated invites to things I have no intention of doing. Many extroverts assume that everyone else is like them and craves attention and being around tons of other people.

I will say that this whole lockdown thing doesn't bother me much. Sure, I have a major problem with the idea that government thinks it has the right to restrict my rights in such a way without due process. But I don't really miss physically going to work and having to force pleasant interactions with coworkers when I'm not always up for it. I like that the roads and stores are empty. I like that there is zero expectation that I show up for your social thing.