[wayner]

I’ve taken this thread to the far end of the scale, and I stand by what I’ve said, but, not every difficult person is a dangerous person (But never be naive enough to not realize that they could be).

Having said that, to Joe’s point about showing love, I agree.
What we don’t agree on is that you have to because they are family etc.

Love yourself enough to protect yourself

But be kind. I have become extremely generous with telling people good things. After being criticized for my accomplishments by a dangerous person bent on my destruction, I know how important a few kind words are, and I share them readily without worrying that they will go to someone’s head as some people seem to think.

In fact with my ex, I learned that my best defence in the face of an all-out soul scorching attack, if I simply told her she was a good person, she would leave me alone and I could get away. But I had to move quickly because each time the effect would not last.

(In those moments she was acting like the furthest thing from a good person by I had come to understand the demons inside her head enough to have come up with that tactic.)

In the years since, she has often reached out to try to twist what’s left of my scorched soul to bits

It is for that reason that I can simply not allow any contact

Some people are difficult, but some people are dangerous.
A relationship with someone like this is predicated on hope.
Let go of the hope and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for self preservation.
If you are an empathetic person you probably have a hard enough time overcoming your own guilt for not tolerating them further. You don’t need a well intentioned other to re-trigger that guilt

It’s sort of like putting down your best friend because she got rabies and can kill you.
(Old yeller reference )