[fanaudical]

Try these questions:

- Do you have a girlfriend?

- Is she hot and crazy?

- She's not going to school here? What are her plans?

- Do you expect her to get lonely and start hitting on her boyfriend's roommate because her boyfriend is never around to answer the phone, all the while she's doing her nanny gig on the east coast and calling at all hours of the night crying and wondering when said roommate will be getting on a plane and joining her for spring break debauchery in Florida and then maybe running off to the islands because who needs to spend all that money on college anyway when two people can live free of the encumbrances of Western civilization in remote areas of the Caribbean??

Or maybe these:

- Do you have any pets?

- Are they warmblooded?

- Are you sure you know where they are?

- What's your pet's "safe word" command to stop constricting around the neck of other people?

- The hot girls next door want to know if we've seen their kitten. Know anything about that?

Or how about this set of questions:

- What's your major?

- Psychology? What's with all the pointy sharp things in scabbards in those three suitcases?

- Why are you attending anger management classes again? And did you get your meds today?

- What's with all the blood on the floor?



Just call all those "lessons learned the hard way"...