[wdfifteen]

It’s been a rough couple of months. I had my annual physical in August and my PSA level was 16 (normal is about 4). I’ve had elevated PSA for 15 years but it’s never been above 9. My doctor freaked completely out and sent me straight to an oncologist. The oncologist said normally he would want me to see a urologist first, but with a PSA of 16 he freaked out too. He told me point blank, “I think you have prostate cancer. I’m ordering a bone scan to see if it has metastasized. “ So I had a bone scan and a lung scan which both came back negative but at the follow up appointment he again said, “I think you have prostate cancer. Most men your age do.” And he passed me off to a urologist.
Without even meeting with me the urologist sent me off to have some super prostate MRI done that was supposed to help with a new, super duper prostate biopsy he was planning to do.
All of this took 2 months and I was at one medical facility at least once a week Since early September. It took a toll on the household. MrsWD has been terrified and I’ve just been thoroughly pissed off at the world. (which has shown up in some of my posts here, I’m afraid, and I’m sorry for that). It’s been a pretty tense couple of months.
So last week I endured the new super duper prostate biopsy.
I’ve had three or four of the old style biopsies and they were unpleasant but they were a walk in the park compared to this new improved literal pain in the ass.
OH MY FKIN’ GOD!
First, the doctor had the bedside manner of a rabid badger. He walked in to the exam room, where I was lying on my side with my naked ass sticking out. He said, “Hello, I’m going to do a quick rectal exam,” and without another word jammed something up my ass. I had never met this guy, had no idea what he even looked like, but he didn’t sound American and he’s back there, poking assorted objects up my flu. Something he was doing hurt like hell and I kept moving away from the pressure. He said, “Hold on still please sir, you keep moving avay!” I practically shouted, “Damn right I’m moving away, it hurts!!”
So finally the nurse piped up and said, “We gave you a lidocaine injection and it should be kicking in in a minute." I asked if they would kindly wait a minute for it to kick in before they shoved the garden hose up my ass again. They did, and after the lidocaine kicked in it was fairly smooth sailing, but damn!
So today I got the results back:

"Dr. **** has reviewed the results of your prostate biopsy showing all benign (non-cancerous) prostate tissue. He recommends following up in the office in 8 months with a repeat PSA blood test."

I’m still pissed off. After spending so many weeks going through all these tests and doctor visits it all came to nothing and I’m not even going to die. On the other hand I’m not going to die, so I’m not that pissed.
We are all breathing a little better here, celebrating with a bottle of wine, but I’ll be damned if I’m going back to Dr. Punjab the rabid badger.