[LWJ]

Josh,

Funny small world, I was just thinking about "Fat Bastard" last week. I digress...


I, too, have a surly 15 year old. Pre COVID, she was A+ on everything. A happy, normal kid.

COVID threw her a nasty curve ball. Grades went into the toilet. Spring 20 it would have been D's and F's, but they sort of fudged the numbers into everybody passes.

Fall 20 it was F'in AWFUL.

Then we got a pretty good counselor. She screamed and raged at first. Then got slightly better. She has an appointment today. Threw a small fit. But, getting better. (I hope!) That is my experience.

Your kid? It is so easy to armchair quarterback. "Suck it up, lazy ass." Well, it sounds good on TV. In reality? Maybe not so much.

My Advice - since I am in a VERY similar situation. (And yes, my TAG kid has ALWAYS hated school.)

1) School is not optional.

2) Her school experience IS optional. We gave our kid a choice for high schools. We have a great situation that worked out for our oldest to go to a different public school that was a great fit. We told our 15 year old she could go there. Go to a sister school across town. And, when the S hit the fan, I said we could homeschool if that worked. I didn't care. I was desperate.

3) Give the child control. Being a kid means limited control. If you can give options for things, this is good.

4) Tell her that you are on her side. But remind her about #1 - School is NOT optional. If you allow her some decision making, it can't hurt.

5) I know you said she hates counselors. I would suggest that you make this non-optional as well. And, get a private one. I can refer ours if you care. She is local. And I like her. (Sidenote, my now 19 year old son went through a NASTY spell at age 14. Counselling did wonders for him and he is doing great at UO as a freshman.)

6) My wife really obsesses about grades. I think this is a huge error. I focus on is my kid happy or not. I also try to find things that distract my kid and we can do together. Watching The Tick is something we love. There are others. Like riding a tandem bike. Taking the boxster to get ice cream. Distractions.

7) Get a tutor if there are struggles. My kid has an IQ that is 4 or 5 std deviations over average. She is pretty darn smart. BUT, math was killing her. We got a tutor over her protests. It has helped remove the conflict from US to she just does the math with the tutor. Yay.

Damn. You have asked one of the hardest questions there is to answer. As I trained my dog today, I commented "too bad children don't respond to bacon treats..."

Good luck. I hope something here helps.