From what little I have read, I would hold off on the learning disabilities for the short term.
Dyslexia, hearing issues, etc.. would seem to be manifested in day to day work. She could not pull off 80's-90's with larger learning issues. Our daughter has dyslexia. It is evident. I would hold off on a lot of medical workups at this point. It could backfire, and either hurt the child psychologically, or be used by a manipulative child to further empower them. I see this in children I treat at the clinic. I'm not saying ignore the potential for problems, but I would focus on something else first-
Based on everything I have read here, I would recommend husband and wife discuss what their goals are and decide where they agree, and start from there. If you disagree on 90% of things, focus on the 10% where you agree, and stand united.
Often, in our clinic, I see the children as the result of their parents. Often, the parents are screwing up bigtime, and they are unaware of it, and those shortcomings manifest themselves in the children's behavior. I'm guilty of this as anyone.
One of my favorite shows is "dog whisperer" Often on that show, it's not the dog that's screwed up, it's 99% of the time, the dog owner, doing something inadvertently that causes the dog's behavior. I'm not advocating kids are dogs, but, go watch a season of dog whisperer to get a sense of how family dynamics can affect the dog. Cesar himself changed his opening line to "I
rehabilitate dogs- I
train humans"- or something like that.
Inconsistency and inadvertent enabling is potentially a part of the problem I see here. It is an issue in our family (Im not trying to be critical of anyone) but truthfully, it seems to be playing out in these passages.
If her behavior continues to be a problem, I would recommend you send her to military school/ etc, such as what happened to you.
I would define your expectations to her, and paint military school as the endpoint if she does not get on board.
I think there are some aspects (and I am guilty of this too- I'm NOT being critical- so dont take it as such) where you might be contributing and not even realizing it. Having her away from both of you might be good for her.
It certainly helped you, and I bet it could help her, but it all starts with you and your wife being on the same page.
Good luck. (and god help me- because MY daughter is gonna be in the same boat soon!
)