[VINMAN]

Nothing wrong with a good cry now and then.

Lost my pup Syd in Dec. Took it really bad. There are still so many thing that can set me off about it. Things in the house , looking at the spots where he always hung out and not seeing him there. His nose marks on the passenger window of my truck and jeep ( I cant bring myself to clean them off). I had a full size bed in my office, where he always slept on when I was in there. That was his bed. I had to get rid of it last week. Every time I looked over at it, Id start tearing up.

I think as I get older I think I'm getting more emotional over things. Hearing certain songs or videos can really set things off. Especially when they have a connection to or make you think of someone. My years as a first responder have hardened me up to alot of tragedy, but now and then something will break through that wall.

My position with the medical examiner brings me up close and personal with the family members of the deceased. I'm the one that has to speak with and interview them. You learn to build that disconnect with the human side of the job. Its not easy, but you nave to . Its detrimental to your well being. Problem is, you get the ones where you cant hold back. I had a case involving a 7yo girl. Passed in her sleep from a seizure. The second I walked in her room and seen her on the floor I lost it. Took awhile to get myself together. Then comes the interview with the parents. Probably one of the toughest things Ive ever had to do. I had to keep stopping, walk outside, and let it out. Did that maybe 4 times. That was the day I said i was quitting after that, but my co workers talked me out of it. That morning stayed with me for a couple weeks.