[masraum]

Originally Posted by flatbutt

Because UPS has lost too many of my packages and now I'm negatively biased. Plus I can't find a way to get this thing to where it belongs.

According to the label, it belongs at your place. Is there a UPS store near you? You could always take it there and say, "someone dropped this off at my place, I didn't order it and don't want it and that's not my name. Can you return to sender?" If they can't return it, then throw it out, give it away, sell it on craigslist/facebook/whatever.