[oldE]

This is kind of difficult, but here goes.
Thirty one years ago we were looking to adopt a child and got a call. We went to another part of the province, met with the social workers and the infant's mother. The mom had two boys previously, one was with her, the other in care since her husband was out of the picture. Ten years later we found out her husband had been murdered. While he was around she was able to cope, but alone, she was beyond her capabilities. We were advised there may be signs of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
For the first 11 years, all was sunshine and light. She did well in school and had lots of friends. Puberty seemed to be the change. We came to realize she had no sense of consequence. She couldn't plan. Whatever her state wss, it would remain until someone got her to change or go along with them.
While she was living at home, it was manageable, but after high school graduation, she had a job and wanted her own place. It took six weeks for her "friends" to empty her bank account and she got kicked out of her apartment.
Periodically she would retreat to home, but would soon want to be on her own again.
There has been an abusive marriage, a series of relationships with guys I didn't want in my home, one of which resulted in my grand daughter before they went their separate ways.
She sounds like so many of the deadbeats described on pages above. She is just not capable of making her way but does not want "interference".
Her work history is similar to her relationships.
I wish I knew a way she could get back to the sweet kid she used to be, but through lack of self care she looks years older than she is and is in a place where she refuses help. Didn't even call her daughter on her birthday.
Not everyone in the situation you described is there because the government wants them there, not all are there by their own choice.

Best
Les