[Jeff Hail]

Many options for cremation and disposition.

On a budget -

Let the county pick you up and have nobody claim you for four months. The county will cremate you. Then have someone claim you and pay the cremation fee which usually runs about $350. With the cost of burials its quite the bargain. The claimant will have to disclose what intends to be done with the ashes. If nobody claims your remain you will be placed in a communal mass grave which is usually 1 or two times per year. For instance in Los Angeles Country Evergreen Cemetery is where you will end up. Its all done with a service, dignity and pallet of maroon plastic boxes. No headstone just a small 4 inch marker which reflects the year of that burial batch.

Most counties now use private cremation service and have contracts for pricing. Walk in and street customers are where it gets expensive. The ones located near county hospitals tend to be much more reasonable in prices. Mortuary services are contractors and unless they have furnaces on site will farm you out to someone that does. You can tell by the chimney stacks on the roof.

Once you are cremated -

Average adult male weights about 11-14 pounds in cremains. You will be a mix of calcium carbonate, dental metals, resembling cement and kitty litter. Nothing scary. Pace maker batteries sometimes are removed for safety reasons by the coroner, sometimes not. Pace makers and artificial joints tend to stay with the body but are not consumed. Implants and joints will be discarded.

If you are going to rest eternally in a closet or mantel off you go in the maroon plastic box your cremains have been captured in and given a metal identification tag . Your remains can be transferred to an urn for tasteful display.

Dumping ashes at the beach. Check your state laws. In California it is technically legal but by Federal law any dumping at coastal waters its considered hazardous waste and subject to EPA fine of a whopping $15,000 if you release at shore. Has to be off shore 3.5 miles or further. Don't get caught dumping ashes. I know someone who did and they went to Federal court and wrote a big check. Not worth it when very reasonable options are available.

Burial at sea. (Unattended burial service). Its a great deal. You get a permit for $12 from the city and give the remains and permit to the service company. In California I have used Ventura Boat Rentals who is also a licensed service to perform these. The fee is $150 and the service collects about 2 months of remains from people and releases them in a single voyage the legal 3.5 miles or further from shore . They mail you a copy listing the GPS coordinates and they also mail a copy to the county where the burial at sea took place. Everything is easy, tidy, legal and you don't have to worry about some little child making sand castles with your remains.

Burial at sea (Attended). Self explanatory. It involves a boat. As many guests that can fit on the boat. Marine fuel fill up is expensive. It can get elaborate and expensive. They can mold your remains into a ring which will disintegrate in water and the fishys will taste you. They have intact burial at sea where they put your body in a permeable bag or box that is weighted and set you free to sink and decompose at natures whim. These are usually done about 5 miles off shore at specified depths since you sink to the bottom and nap for a while. Nature takes care of everything. Every time you have deep sea fish for a meal you will be reminded of your loved one and everyone else's for that matter.

Check your local services for burial at sea. If you are a VET the VA can provide assistance in burial matters for a plot, box, services at VA cemetery locations. I think the Navy does provide for burial at sea arrangements.

Burial at Sky-
Think of it as falling ashes. This is an air service. Your remains are placed in a metal tube outside the aircraft and released above a designated location and altitude. Just like cloud seeding. I have personally witnessed this at the beach with a large group of loved ones in wait while having a BBQ. The joke was on the loved ones at the time of release. Everyone mistook it for sand in the wind. The decedent had quite a sense of humor. He wanted a sky writer.

I encourage people to get creative. No do overs in life and its the one final act when your marquee goes dim. Make it count. Spare your loved one, spouse or grown children from having to do this and make these decisions until after you have met your maker. Plan ahead.

If anyone was offended by my slant I worked in a mortuary 40 years ago as a summer job. It was not my calling but I guess it did rub off a bit. Death is final, life is not, have a sense of humor.