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Last night it snowed....
8:00 am: I made a snowman.
8:10 - My feminist neighbour asked me why I had not made a snow woman.
8:15 – I gave my snowman a sex change.
8:17 - My feminist neighbour then complained about my snow woman's large bosom saying that it objectified women everywhere.
8:20 - The lesbian couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and said that I should have made two snow women, so I made my snow woman a partner.
8:22 - The transgender man/women/person asked why I didn't just make one snow individual with detachable parts.
8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot noses, as vegetables are food and not to be wasted to decorate snow figures.
8:28 – Black Lives Matter turned up and called me a racist because the snow couple were both white.
8:30 - I used food colouring to make one of the snow couple a different colour to be more racially inclusive.
8:37 – I was then accused of the even worse offense of applying black-face to a white individual.
8:39 - The Middle Eastern gent across the road demanded the snow women be dressed in burkas for the sake of their modesty.
8:40 - The police arrived and read out the list of complaints that had been made against me.
8:42 - The feminist neighbour returned to complain that the broom that the snow woman was holding should be removed because it depicted women in a purely domestic role.
8:43 - The local council Equality Officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 – A TV news crew showed up. I was asked if I knew the difference between snowmen and snow women. Jokingly, I replied, "Snowballs". The female news reporter denounced me as a sexist pig.
9:00 - I was on the TV news as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe, and sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 – The police asked if I had any accomplices. My children were then taken into care by Social Services.
9:29 – Far-left protesters, offended by everything I’d done, marched down the street demanding my arrest for hate crimes.
9:45 – By now the story was all over social media. My boss called and fired me because of the negative association with his company.
10:00 - I cried into my drink because all I wanted to do was build a freakin snowman
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