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My wife passed away on Saturday.
I have not shared this with this group previously. My wife Andie passed away on Saturday.
Andie had been diagnosed with stage-4 non small cell lung cancer in December of 2015. She was a never-smoker. We spent the last 6+ years finding her the best doctors and the best treatments. Shortly after she was diagnosed we insisted on having genetic testing performed on the tissue sample removed from her lung for the biopsy that confirmed her cancer. That testing showed that she had an extremely rare EFGR mutation. That put us on a path where Andie started on targeted therapies.
She was on a total of three targeted therapies over the course of more than five years. The doctors were clear up front that each therapy had limited efficacy. But, as each one started to fail, we moved to the next. Unfortunately, the failures would manifest themselves in either growth of the tumors being treated, or the cancer metastasizing to other parts of her body.
However, when the last one failed, it was the most drastic. In November, Andie developed leptomeningeal disease (LMD). This occurs when the cancer cells invade the cerebrospinal fluid and spread throughout the central nervous system. This caused mental status changes, cognitive impairment, confusion and seizures. It also brought a lot of pain because it also impacted her spine.
About a month ago, Andie was put on in-home hospice care. This was necessary as she could no longer control most of her body because of the mixed-signals being sent from her brain. The most troubling thing to me was that I no longer had someone at home that I could have a meaningful conversation with. Over time we needed to increase her dosages of methadone as the pain got worse. This really seemed to address the pain and provided her some level of comfort.
On Friday, the hospice nurse told me. “You should start calling family”. Friday night, our two children and Andie’s brother arrived. They all went into the bedroom separately to say “goodbye”. Early Saturday morning, she took her last breath and passed away. I like to think that she waited until she could say “goodbye” to her children.
Today, we had a rabbi perform a service. It was a nice service and most of the family that was not in town joined via Zoom. Everyone left afterwards. Now, I find myself alone for the first time in 44 years. Andie had almost always been by my side. It really hit me hard when I first started writing this post.
Andie told me that she just had one request for a memorial service for her. She said, “there must be a bartender!” I took care of that today. There is a local restaurant within walking distance of our house. I have booked the entire place for Saturday, February 26. There will be plenty of food and an open bar.
Andie, we will raise a few glasses while toasting your life!
Thanks to everyone for letting me share.
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