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It's great that you are determined to learn to swim. I understand how you feel.
My mother thought the way to keep her kids safe was to teach us to be afraid of everything, so I grew up with a lot of water phobia. I have tried, but never got over it.
I took swimming lessons in high school, never got in the water after the last class.
Tried again in college, again, once the class was over I never went swimming again.
Technically I CAN swim, but I have zero confidence because I have to force myself to do it and so I never practiced.
I tried snorkeling, thinking it might be fun. Nope. Only went once.
I tried SCUBA diving. Went once in open water - never again. I have a total bypass-the-brain-go-straight-to-panic, stupidly irrational panic instinct that I've never been able to kick. The time I went diving I looked up and saw the bottom of the boat (it was a big one - there were at least 25 of us on the dive) and panicked, for no reason at all. I stuck with the group for the rest of the dive just so I wouldn't embarrass myself. I got by by never looking up until I got to the top of the anchor chain at the end of the dive.
Try as I might, I cannot get comfortable in water.
Good luck, keep at it and you just might get good at it.
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