Quote:
Originally Posted by T77911S
She also does not like it when i help her by rinsing them as she washes them.
She says I can be doing something else.
I tell her we get them done faster.....
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I understand this.
My wife will "help" me in a similar way with dishes, and other tasks.
It actually stresses me out.
If I have a kitchen with dishes in the sink, on the Island, on the stove I have a mental inventory of what's where.
As I'm washing I'm going through that inventory, basically I have "a plan" and order of execution in mind. Executing that plan gives me a sense of accomplishment, it's goal oriented.
When people start stacking stuff up for me it's frustrating as I may not have planned to deal with that pot / pan / serving tray until the end.
It's also easier and in my mind faster to turn around and grab a singular item off the island or stove than it is to deal with pulling something from a stack.
It's similar to when you are out to eat and you think you are doing the server / busser a favor by stacking and arranging empty plates. It's actually often not appreciated because you break their flow in the back of house.
And I also understand the "you can be doing something else".
Two people doing the dishes does not get it done in half the time, not even close.
You don't think you are, and maybe you actually are not, but you are getting in her way either physically or psychologicly.
For me when I get into a groove on a repetitive task the time passes much faster if my focus is not interrupted. I go on auto pilot and don't have to think about what I'm doing. Having someone help breaks that auto pilot and even if the task does not take longer it "feels" like it does. It's about how we perceive passage of time.
For me. if there are two tasks to do I feel less progress is being made if two people work on one together vs each person tackling a task individually.
She is giving you a pass on the chore and expressing how you can help her, which is by not helping her.
Don't question it, if you really want to help her, don't, she won't get angry, trust me.
Oh, and this,
Quote:
Originally Posted by T77911S
Also we don’t get a lot of time together so I like to help her.
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That time you do get to spend with her is a better quality if she is not stressed or frustrated and if she is anything like me you are stressing her out.