Sorry to hear about your situation, Rocket.
This past April, I arranged for my Mom to go into assisted living after trying to keep her in her home, so can relate somewhat to what you're facing.
She's 100 years old and thankfully only has slight dementia.
But she does have a tendency sometimes to say things to others in her alf that some might deem offensive.
And they also messed around with several variations and combos of meds in order to address what they felt was "anxiety" - some that turned her into almost a zombie.
Luckily she had myself and my caregiver to intervene as well as one of the staff at the facility who is the more conscientious of the staff there.
We have Hospice involved who come in 3 times a week to shower her plus a weekly visit by a nurse to oversee any medical stuff. Otherwise the facility staff oversees everything. Plus my twice a week visits and our caregiver's twice a week visits...plus a former neighbor and my step-sister infrequently.
I know your situation is different but wanted to start by letting you know you are not alone in the fight. Many here have some experience with caring for our elderly parents.
FWIW: I compiled an index of previous threads from our forum here:
https://forums.pelicanparts.com/off-topic-discussions/1130825-elderly-parent-care-index-thread.html
I don't think it's possible to change a person's personality at this stage in their life but perhaps certain meds can help. The key is for them not to be overly drugged out, as happened with yours and my Mom.
I will find out what Mom is getting and let you know later this week.
If not already done so perhaps contact your local Hospice and get their take on things.
Hospice does more than just attend to those expected to pass away short term. Medicare pays for it too, thankfully.
Lastly, I asked one of the girls at Mom's facility what happens next for Mom should she become too much of a burden and her reply was Hospice has a program for that. I think we all know what that means.
Very tough situation and one that I associate with when our pets reach the point when their quality of life is gone and they are in pain. I wish we had the same options for our elderly humans that we have with our 4-legged family members.
It wouldn't make our pain any less but it would theirs - the whole point.
Hopefully the brain trust here will help you with additional info. Make sure you check out the threads in the link I posted earlier in my post.
PS....I took Mom to Dairy Queen today and we had Blizzards! I'm trying to get her out at least once or twice a week. Her ALF has activities but never excursions...
