[Dixie]

I need to tell someone about my night. I found it so upsetting I could barely sleep. So I'm telling y'all.

It all began when I saw the most shocking sight. It was so scary that my heart rose up and tried to run out my mouth. A mouse was scurrying across my bathroom floor! Instead of my heart, a scream leapt from my lips. It didn't help that I felt vulnerable sitting there on that toilet. Worse, that little cuss ran right over my feet! For a second I thought my dog would protect me, but he did not. He just sat there looking at me calmly as if to say, "Whut? Inside the house is your responsibility."

Instinct kicked in and I sprung into action. In an instant I became a completely helpless damsel. Don't get me wrong, I'm steadfast in believing women need to be independent and self-sufficient. But this was an exception. Wildlife was involved, and dealing with dangerous animals, like mice, is assuredly a man's responsibility. With that in mind, I called my friend and neighbor. I needed to borrow her boyfriend. Thankfully I heard, "we'll be right over. Go buy a trap."

Once the traps were set, operation "Calm Dixie the F*** Down" commenced. We settled into the den drinking wine, listening to music, and talking. After a couple hours we heard a trap go off. Thankfully my neighbor's boyfriend disposed of the corpse. There's no way I was going to do that.

Today is a new day with new challenges like, how did the mouse get in? Are there more of them inside my house? And most importantly, will they eat my toes while I sleep? Ugh, the challenges I face are real.