Not sure why I posted, as this is just a personal musing and not a very interesting one, but I am glad for the excellent inputs. As always.
The yellow pad idea is a good one Seahawk, thanks. I am sure we are both aware of our personal differences and here is, I think, another one: You may be an extrovert, in which case you will go insane without contacts with other people. I am a gregarious introvert. In a cocktail party full of strangers I feel like a "kid in a candy store" (more on that in a moment) But I really don't need people. I am just fine alone for long periods. I prefer it. I need my wife and I have friends, but I charge my batteries in silence.
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Originally Posted by Capt. Carrera
Sounds to me like you're living the dream.
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Indeed. I am along much of the time, doing what I want to do, and I like that. I also like that my stress level is about 5% of what it once was. I take many calm delicious deep breaths every day. I am happy.
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Originally Posted by Capt. Carrera
Does your post imply you feel guilty about that?
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Not even a tiny bit. None. I contributed in a big way. Worked my ass off. I still wake up at 5 and can't sleep more, but that's when I used to hit my desk. No, I paid my dues. Contributed meaningfully to a robust industry and made a difference. Left what feels like bits of my flesh and bone on the battlefield. I owe nothing further.
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Originally Posted by pavulon
Imo, people accustomed to actual productivity need a (special) purpose beyond soaking up resources. Retirement presses the issue. Seek, find and sleep well.
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This, is meaningful. Thank you. I used stress as a stimulant. I loved the smell of napalm in the morning. And then one day I was done. In my mind. I didn't want to do it anymore. The passion was gone, finally. Mercifully. I stepped out of the hurricane, and I think I am experiencing withdrawls from the excitement. I had 36 hours of stuff to do each day and only 24 hours to do it. Now I have nothing on my calendar except the occasional dentist visit, etc. I guess I feel a bit like Bilbo Baggins when he retired. I want to see the ring again, but I know it would destroy me again.
I think Mr. Flatbutt may have nailed it. I need to stay in Rivendell a bit longer. Maybe forever. What I am feeling is probably just missing The Ring, and I need to let it go.