[Superman]

I just went through three medium sized totes of photographs for at least the third time, and now for the last time. Tossed some, set some aside for friends and family and sent a robust box of them to my ex-wife. I am keeping almost none of them. I know what my parents, sisters, daughters, ex-wife, etc. looked like. I can see them in my mind.

Going through those pictures has been a mixture of fond memories and painful ones. My previous marriage and our two daughters is a tragic story I will not tell here. I am glad to not have to look at those pictures ever again. Suffice to say I am leaving no valuable living legacy behind save for perhaps my granddaughter who may have a good and successful life but who is currently what I would call 'at risk.'

The pictures are gone and the memories, good and not so good, remain. I'll be 67 next month and though I am in surprisingly good health I will die soon enough of course and the sorting of the pictures won't have to be done when I am gone. In fact, I am getting rid of a lot of stuff. This is a reflective time for me. I am a sensitive person and there is something in my eye right now.

I am also a spiritual and philosophical person who looks at the Universe and at Life with an almost unbearable but also thrilling sense of wonder and awe. I have wondered about the meaning of life but I don't think I wonder about that any more. In my life i have been drawn closer to God but I don't think this is what I would call the "meaning" of life. Perhaps I would call it part of the "nature" of life but not its meaning.

I think life is its own meaning. I think its a glorious and miraculous enough thing on its own. I think there needs to be no beyond or higher meaning. In fact, it's hard for me to imagine the existence of a life meaning that would be bigger than the bigness of life itself.

There was a time, which lasted a long time, in which I did not feel proud of the person in the mirror. But now I know that was not my fault. At my father's suggestion I have tried to live my life according to the principles embedded in the poem "If" by Rudyard Kipling. I've fought many battles and won most. I've loved and been loved, and I still do.

Now I am retired with a good wife and security/money, and we plan to do some serious traveling. The loftiness of life, as I saw it as a young man, is not so lofty now. It just IS. It is what it is, and that's enough for me now. Looking forward to this next, last chapter in my life. With regrets but also with satisfaction and peace, albeit a melancholy peace at the moment.

I just had to write this. Don't care whether anyone reads it but thanks for your interest if you did, and for the support. I could use a drink but it's still a bit early for that. Perhaps I will take some more stuff to Goodwill.