[ErrorMargin]

I'm interested to hear your thoughts on this situation.

If you've been in a similar situation, tell me what you did and how it worked out.

My mother has dementia. She is 83.

My father is 86 and mentally fit.

They are currently living in their own home and have someone come to the house 5 days a week to help my mother (bathing, meals, etc.).

She has become more combative this year and it is time to move her into assisted living.

My mother was a nurse (RN) and 20 years ago managed the assisted living home that we are moving her into.

It is a very nice facility but she does not want to go.

She really does not want to go.

She suspects that we are working to move her in there. And with good reason...I took my mother there for lunch a few weeks ago. She said she liked it and the food was good but she does not want to go.

My sister and I have finished all the paperwork with the insurance and the facility and the move in date is April 8th (this coming Tuesday).

We have not yet told my mother that we are moving her in there.

I asked several of the staff members at the facility how we should go about telling my mother that we are moving her in there. They were all unanimous that we should not tell her. Their advice is to tell my mother that we are going there for another lunch, get her inside the secure area and then leave and let the staff help her adjust.

They further advised us to stay away for the first week to let her adjust.

One of the several concerns here is that if we tell her or she otherwise finds out that she really is going she could hurt herself, try to run away, and physically resist going to the facility.

The staff sees this kind of thing all the time and tell us that it is best to just tell her we are going there for lunch.

I don't like not telling her, even lying to her, at all. But I am inclined to do exactly that.