like all mental things, there are levels of it. my mom has several traits. we started talking about friendships. I've been bothered by one of mine for awhile.
my friend told me he has several "friends" with it and it took awhile to notice. it got me thinking about my own circle of people. there is one standout. one guy I fish with, laugh with and despite all of it, I dont feel any connection..no closeness.. realizations set in.. conversations are only halfway. example, if he went fishing and caught fish, I start up asking questions, engaging with him. what did it bite on? where were you? WAS IT EXCITING??.
recently I called him and told him I finally went ocean fishing. NOTHING. I think I got a "no way, not me". and he started telling me his stuff. I used to think he was simply one-upping me all the time. he never asked me a single question about my day..was it scary? fun? am I going to do it again?
lack of empathy.
grandiose thinking.
can deal it out, but cant take it.
bad with criticism.
blown up self importance, entitlement,
demands adoration and accolades.
hahah..I was feeding my fishing buddy a huge dose of it..what he needed.
I'm happy he is afraid off the ocean
. I thought it was me, tainting that friendship.
my good friend that helped me talk thru it is meeting me in Tokyo. it will be a blast and we both felt it will be a good reminder what a healthy friendship looks and feels like. we are both excited to meet each others wives. they have met, but only 10 feet apart while wearing covid masks. hardly an introduction. I need to meet his wife, I plan on surfing his couch in MN, doing some smallmouth fishing next year.
I woke up this morning thinking about this. thanks for the rant. it is no surprise my childhood didnt give me the tools to self reflect - I had to work that all out by myself.