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What you are feeling is completely understandable. Grieving a death is not about the deceased. Its about you feeling loss to someone who enhanced your life. This is not derogatory but you are feeling sad for yourself and that is healthy and normal. If my wife passed away before me I would be happy for her (since I would know where she is). I would be sad due to the empty place in my life that she filled and would then look forward to seeing her again without the troubles of life and mortality.
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Joe
See Porsche run. Run, Porsche, Run: `87 911 Carrera
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