[Hugh R]

Bud Abbott and Lou Costello in the
21st Century


ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store... Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den,
and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in
the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer
and software.

ABBOTT: Software for windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can
use to write proposals, track expenses and run my
business. What have you got?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend
anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend office with windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office and it has windows!
OK, let's just say, I'm sitting at my computer and I
want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: word.

COSTELLO: what word?

ABBOTT: word in office.

COSTELLO: the only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: the word in office for windows.

COSTELLO: which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: the word you get when you click the blue w

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue w if you don't
start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can
I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: yes, you want real one.

COSTELLO: maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I
watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I
need!

ABBOTT: real one.

COSTELLO: if it's a long movie I also want to see reel
2,3&4. Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: of course.

COSTELLO: great, with what?

ABBOTT: real one.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a
movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: you click the blue 1

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: the blue 1.

COSTELLO: is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT: the blue 1 is Realone and the blue w is word.

COSTELLO: what word?

ABBOTT: the word in office for windows.

COSTELLO: but there's three words in office for
windows!

ABBOTT: no, just one. but it's the most popular word
in the world.

COSTELLO: it is?

ABBOTT: yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other
words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other
words out there.

COSTELLO: and that word is real one?

ABBOTT: real one has nothing to do with word. Real one
isn't even part of office.

COSTELLO: stop! Don't start that again. What about
financial bookkeeping you have anything I can track my
money with?

ABBOTT: money.

COSTELLO: that's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: it comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: what's bundled to my computer?

ABBOTT: money

COSTELLO: money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer?
How much?

ABBOTT: one copy

COSTELLO: isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.

COSTELLO: they can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: why not, they own it