[Isabo]

I poached these from the computer at work:
A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous babe nursing a drink.

Walking up behind her he says, "Hi, there, good lookin'! How's it goin'?"

Having already downed a few power drinks she turned around, faced him,

looked him straight in the eye and said, "Listen! I screw anybody, any

time, anywhere, your place, front door, back door, it doesn't matter to me.

I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat-ass love it!"

Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, "No kidding! I'm a lawyer, too!

What firm are you with"?

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and
very proud
of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and
desired to
make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to
the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk)
to make the
proper "final" arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the
undertaker
that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:
"BORN A
VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN" Not long after, the old maid
died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the
undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had
requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had
selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He
thought long
and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request,
considering the
very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days,
he agonized over
the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed
him to come
up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The
virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read
as follows:
"RETURNED UNOPENED"

G. W. Bush and John Kerry somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Kerry in his chair reached for the aftershave. Kerry was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Theresa will smell that and think I've been in a >whorehouse,"
The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?" Bush replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a >whorehouse smells like."

What has 4 legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull!