My experience has been that the more a woman emphasizes physical attributes, the less confident she is in what ought to be her non-aesthetic virtues. Not that I haven't gone after/out with some hotties who dress to impress but I factor the foregoing into the decision to get involved in the first place.
As far as whether these women you refer to are being hypocritical vis-a-vis their faith... I don't know about that. Faith doesn't exist in a vacuum, and these women may practice theirs in the context of what they view as their societal pressures -- hair done just so, make-up, revealing clothing, etc. -- not seeing (or ignoring) any tension between the two.
I agree that the women that lament the character of the men they date/attract are usually bringing their fate upon themselves. The last thing most people do (and especially women) when dissatisfied with their lives in some respect is look first into the mirror (figuratively -- women spend too much time in front of the looking glass already).
I think there is a lot of truth in women dressing for other women. Why the mania about what is the current fashion, what is the most vogue hairstyle, etc. -- "nuances" that men are largely unaware of. But women chase this wil-o-wisp pathologically, though it will make no difference to 99.9% of straight men whether she looks nice or whether she looks nice and is wearing what Jessica Simpson wore last week in Elle and has Jimmy Choo (Chu?) shoes, matching her MAC nail polish and lipstick, etc. The audience for those performances is strictly XX chromosome.
The following exchange has happened a few too many times:
Setting -- my apt, about 10 mins before me and the then-grilf *have to* leave to get somewhere on time. I've been dressed, coiffed and ready to roll for 10 minutes. Grilf is still in wet-hair and towel stage... running sorties back and forth between the bathroom and the closet every 45 seconds or so, moving fast so I'll think she's *really* trying to get ready and maybe occasionally huffing b/c she's annoyed at "being rushed" by something as fascist as a timetable she's known about for at least a week ...
Me: Hon, we've got 10 minutes, and you're not looking 10 minutes from ready to walk out of here... can you hurry it up a bit, I don't want to extend our late streak to twelve.
Grilf makes one of the variety of stock responses -- I'll be ready, or I'm trying to find ________ or which do you think goes with _______, etc.
Me: Look, I really don't want to be late
again; I think I mentioned that this morning, and 5 hours ago, and 2 hours ago... remember last time when I said you should start getting ready 30 mins
before I started getting ready? That's to avoid all this...
Grilf: But, baby, I want to look good for you (delivered with a slight whine)
Me (blackbelt judoka in flipping passive-aggression): Oh, this is something you're doing for
me? You know what I'd like you to do *for* me -- let us get out of here on time for once. I don't care if you wear jeans and a t-shirt, and you know that; exactly that point has come up the last dozen times I've been standing here waiting for you and we've been late to where we're going.
So all this (hand gestures about hair and make-up and clothes and manicures, etc.) is not *for* me -- it's for
you, and at the expense of my time, so you can try to impress the other girls who are right now squandering their boyfriends' time while they try too hard to impress you. It's not *for* me .. don't even indulge the fantasy that I'm going to buy that line of bull***** for a second.
Geez, my blood pressure shot up just re-living that bull*****. I coulda gone on for paragraphs about it... think I'll just count to ten and go have a smoke or something.
JP