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If one of these meds starts turning my life around, i'm going to really kick myself in the a$$ for the past 6 years and my stupidity during that time.
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Hey man, please don't kick yourself for anything. You didn't ask to have an effed up disorder that is totally hard to figure out. Nobody does. And you're not a trained medical specialist with years of experience in anxiety disorders. So don't beat yourself up for not solving this complex problem all by yourself. It took me decades to finally solve my problems. But hey, I'm a programmer, dammit, not a doctor, right?
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As for an easy life, that could actually be part of the problem.
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I must respectfully disagree. I had a full-blown ****ty upbringing (with no substance abuse) and yet I ended up with similar symptoms. I think it is just a crappy disease like diabetes or arthritis and while external circumstance can effect it, I believe genetics and plain dumb luck are far more important. I think it falls under the category of "**** happens". I guess it's obvious I feel strongly about not blaming yourself and cutting yourself every possible break. I think it is because these disorders typically have biological causes, but they
feel like a character flaw - which often prevents us from seeking solutions. So I am always beating the "be good to yourself" drum.
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Ask your doctor about klonopin, I think you'll find it works better and has less side effects than Xanax. I've been on Zoloft, Paxil, Remeron, Lexapro and a few others and none of them do the trick like Klonopin. Of course people are different and results may vary but it's worth a try.
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It really is amazing how different we can be. Paxil rocked my sorry world and has very few side effects. And yet I have a friend who passes out when she takes paxil. Zoloft did nothing for me except give me endless diharria. Bizarre, huh?