[Overpaid Slacker]

Terry -
First thing is -- does the add'l weight bother you? If not, then don't get all bent on the principle that she won't join your weight loss regimen. I've dated a number of runners and there was no way in Hell they were going to get me out there jogging (or as I call it "counting telephone polls out of sheer boredom"). A couple of them couldn't handle the fact I didn't want to buy into their regimens. TFB, I said; take your running shoes and left foot-right foot-left foot-right foot your a$$ outta here.

I'd expect (maybe deserve) the same reaction from someone whom I tried to subject to my regimens tho' I knew they were uninterested.

However, if the tonnage does bother you, you can (1) learn to live with it, which many guys do, methinks, (2) try something like Coldbass suggests, which I'd call the "Midol-hidden-in-a-peanutbutter-cup" strategem, or (3) just find the right moment (in matters such as these, there's really no "right" moment, just a "least bad" moment) and tell her how you feel. Tell her you don't want her to feel pressured, and you don't want her to feel you're playing the role of the former bf, but this is how you feel: and I don't know exactly how you feel, so I'm not going to put other words in your mouth detailing how you feel, whether its off-put, disappointed, disgusted, frustrated, unattracted to her, etc.

Though I'd be very very careful about saying anything that would permit her to twist into, or even imply that you're saying "I'm going to break up with you b/c you're fat". Unless of course, that is what you mean, in which case you should say it... gently.

Chicks are great, peerless in fact, at twisting the carefully chosen words that were actually said into something mean-spirited they get to take personally and throw back in your face later. Be circumspect.

She can lose weight. If it means enough to you to mention it to her, she should understand that it is important. If, essentially, she says "screw you" I'm not going to be the fit person who wooed you, I'm going for epic, Kirstey Alley-sized proportions, then you've got to decide if you want to be with someone to whom your opinions and/or ability to be attracted to them means so little.

My $0.02.

Disclaimer -- my forthrightness has wrecked a couple of my prior relationships, no doubt ... but those were the relationships that really shouldn't have continued anyway; whether it was b/c they couldn't withstand, honest (though tender) forthrightness or the fact that there were some things that were so wrong that I had to be forthright about it to begin with.

JP