Thanks to all of you for your thoughts....I think they are all well considered reactions to my original post, including those questioning my manhood and my mother's marital status.
I can honestly see how a couple things I said could sound cold-hearted and SO*****y. And I do like Shania Twain's "I Feel Like a Woman"; it's got a good beat and is easy to dance to. How-and-someever, I think the callous sound of what I said is more attributable to my own "black (gallows) humor." Humor is hard to convey to strangers in the written word sometimes, without using emoticons, and I sort of hate those, and use them sparingly. Maybe I need to rethink all that.
Yes, I was testing my wife 18 months after her father died. It makes no sense that I should feel like I am walking on eggshells when something comes up in the general day-to-day to remind us both of our loss. I am guilty. I wanted to know just how far she has come in her grieving.
But here is a funny permutation of my wife's emotional associations. Some of her favorite TV shows routinely show the sick and the dead, and,
afaIk, she's not bothered at all! Does her most-human mind tell itself, "This is a work of fiction, and I choose to not let it upset me." As opposed to, "This is a documentary concerning people I don't now, or will ever, know personally. I will shed tears." Huh?
Sarah, you know, that is a really good suggestion, and a good idea. I've spent time in group myself, and there are benefits to be had from it. My Suz is a pretty rough-and-ready, independent sort, and I can't envision her in group for a problem she prefers to burden on her own. But maybe...
Finally, back to that program that made my wife yell at me......
As much as I could gather in the few minutes it was on, this woman and her dog were on the island Manhatten on 9-11, pretty close to the towers. As she joustled her way through and with the chaos, dog in her arms, she was often stopped by soot-and-smoke covered people, who five minutes earlier were running for their lives, but at this point wanted nothing more than to hold and pet a small bit of life and love. This is what inspired her to begin visiting hospitals and such. That is what the story was. It wasn't about my wife's daddy.
Thanks
Ed